Allegiance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 8) Page 12

Vibe’s hand reaches out grabbing my arm stopping me. “Don’t you walk away from my Old Lady when she’s talking to you!”

  I face my best friend with a scowl. Vibe’s never threatened me before, but I shake my arm free with a grunt. I try to walk off again, but he pulls me around. So, I turn, shoving him, and he takes a step back. Vibe races forward grabbing my cut, glaring at me. Torque stands from his stool to assess the situation. I shove Vibe off me, then throw my hands in the air in utter frustration. “I can’t be who you want me to be.”

  Rowdy furrows her brows, her breaths coming short and sharp. “What?”

  “I can’t be this knight riding in and telling you that Lily…” I grimace, shut and then open my eyes with a heavy sigh, “… that Delilah… is somehow this horrible woman. That she’s evil incarnate, and we have to find a way to bring her down. If that’s what you’re after Rowdy, I’m not your guy.”

  Her eyes droop as her arms fall to her sides seeming less in attack mode now. “Lift, just help me understand. She’s defending him. That bastard’s actions. Fuck, Lift! She’s going to blame me for the whole damn thing. How can you side with her?”

  I clench my eyes shut rubbing the bridge of my nose to ease the tension headache that’s formed. Letting out a long exhale, my eyes meet Rowdy’s again. “I’m not siding with Lily. I choose you. I choose the club. I always will. But you have to understand that the woman I know isn’t the woman they have explained to you. I’ve never met Delilah. I have never seen that side of her. If I did, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this fucking predicament right now, would I?”

  Rowdy’s body slumps like she’s feeling my pain. She steps closer but still keeps a little distance between us. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, Lift.” She shakes her head. “But she’s played you, that’s what she does for a living, after all. See her for who she is. You’re better off far away from her and far away from this case.”

  I roll my shoulders. “Gladly.” I reach out grabbing the Jack Daniels bottle from the top of the bar and head off toward my room taking a long gulp straight from the bottle.

  “Lift! We’re not done here,” Vibe calls out.

  Oh, yes, the fuck we are! I’ve had enough of my best friend thinking he can tell me what to do.

  Maybe I need to think about a friend trade-in.

  Get a best friend who isn’t so focused on himself. I mean, I get his anger. But you know what? This shit’s not all about him.

  Sure, I know he’s been through some heavy shit, but fuck, so have I.

  Friendship’s a two-way street, and I’m just about to reverse out of this one-way lane we’re both headed down.

  For damn good!

  LILY

  The walk is giving me clarity. Sure, it might be a long way, but at least it’s letting me cool down. It’s dangerous out here. I should call an Uber, but honestly, I’m so damn angry right now, I need to walk it off.

  Eli lied to me—about who he is, about where he’s from.

  If he were honest from the start, it would have saved a lot of hassle. But, if he were honest from the beginning, we would never have had our amazing time together.

  Finding out about each other’s lies the way we did was a low blow. We’re both in the wrong. We both lied through our teeth.

  I see that now. Even more so, their reactions were exactly as they should have been.

  Let’s face it, even I hate myself for defending that fucktard, Raphael. But the problem is, even if we conclude that Eli and I did the wrong thing, we still couldn’t work even if we wanted to.

  I’m the defense attorney against the plaintiff who is one of Eli’s club girls.

  It’s a massive conflict of interest.

  If Howard gets wind of this, it will be carnage for me and the case.

  Thing is, even though I know Eli and I can’t, won’t work, it doesn’t stop it from hurting.

  Maybe I am doing this all wrong?

  I mean, I know I despise Raphael. I know for certain the damn asshole is guilty as sin.

  So why the hell am I still defending him? To get my name on a wall at a place I don’t really think has a good moral compass.

  Do I really want to be a part of this anymore? Hell, do I even want to be an attorney? I mean I’ve worked so damn hard to be where I am, but this, this life I’m in now, is not what I had envisioned for myself when I put Howard on this pedestal as a child.

  I thought attorneys were the good guys.

  I thought I was going to be a good guy.

  Now, if I get him off the charges, I’m no better than Raphael himself. I need to consider my next move carefully.

  I have no friends, not really. My work took care of that. It has taken over my life, made me into someone I’m ashamed of. I need more from my life than being known as a grade-A asshole attorney.

  More from this life than defending whoever Howard deems fit. I want to choose my cases. Defend those who deserve it. Defend the innocent. Hell, maybe even have some me-time, which includes friends and possibly a guy. Whether that guy is Eli or not, I don’t know. I don’t think he will ever forgive me, and you know what? I don’t blame him.

  Delilah is not who I am—I hate the woman that name represents.

  I want to be known as Lily—caring, considerate, sympathetic—an attorney who has self-worth and self-respect.

  My name on the wall is not worth losing myself over.

  It’s not worth feeling this pain etched deep inside my soul.

  Maybe, the idea of having my name on the wall is just plain over?

  Maybe, the time is right for me to resign and find a law firm who helps the small guys, the ones who can’t help themselves.

  I feel like I’ve been walking for hours. The sky’s moody and gray, a somber tone just like my emotions. A few hours later, I arrive home with sore feet and feeling miserable as hell. I head inside and make myself a coffee. Once I retrieve my mug from the Keurig, I kick off my shoes and stretch out my very sore feet. I can’t help my eyes from falling to the counter where Eli and I once fucked.

  Flashbacks swarm my head. The feeling of him inside me. Images of him wrapped around my body.

  The man’s invading my senses, my very being. The energy of that moment floods back through me like a fucking typhoon. My heart races so fast, it’s almost hard to breathe as the emotion cripples me.

  I burst into tears, reaching out for the counter, but I’m too far gone, and my body gives way then collapses to the floor. I am wracked with guilt. Tears stream down my face as I cry uncontrollably while I curl into a ball. I lay in a heap while trying to calm myself down.

  An epiphany.

  Realization screams in my head—it’s not worth it.

  Getting my name on the wall is what I’ve worked for my entire career. Ever since Howard saved my parents’ farm from going under, it’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. I have sacrificed everything for a plaque on a wall.

  My mantra—impress my parents, impress Howard, feel good about myself.

  But doing it this way is all kinds of wrong.

  I’ve lost the guy.

  I’ve lost my self-respect.

  I have lost everything.

  And it’s all for nothing.

  LILY

  Three Weeks Later

  Gazing in the mirror, I look like shit. I know I do, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t break myself out of this funk I’ve found myself in. I’ve thought about quitting every freaking day for the last three weeks. I even started searching job openings for attorneys with my qualifications but in a more reliable and reputable law firm. I’m trying to find a way out, but in the meantime, I still have a damn job to do. Right now, I have a meeting with Howard and Raphael in the prison where Raphael has been placed in custody. I check myself one more time in the rearview mirror before shaking my head.

  There’s nothing you can do, Lily. Those dark shadows and red eyes can’t be fixed with makeup. Just go with it for now.

  Walking up to the gate, I spo
t Howard and greet him with my usual pleasantries. Then we make our way inside the prison to meet with Raphael, or as I call him, the creep. We’re led into a small individual room. Raphael’s waiting for us, his wrists are handcuffed to the table as we enter. Just the mere sight of him makes me want to beat him with a damn stick after I’ve hurled everywhere first.

  Raphael’s smug persona pisses me right off as he eyes me up and down in his usual suggestive manner. Instantly, I feel cheap as he ogles me like he always does.

  Howard sits beside me, ignoring the exchange between us—or maybe he’s that stupid he doesn’t even notice—then he opens the red folder getting on with business. “Raphael, your defense is moving along. Delilah’s done an excellent job thus far, so we’re making headway.”

  Raphael’s dark eyes sparkle as his lips turn up in that sinister way, his eyes lingering over my breasts for far too long. “I think Delilah would be great at head…” he pauses before continuing, “… way.”

  Howard snickers inappropriately—the bastard—as I shift in my seat uncomfortably. Howard’s phone rings, and he views the screen with a groan. “I’ve got to take this,” he mumbles then stands, knocking on the door to be let out. “Zimmerman,” he grunts. “Mm-hmm,” he mumbles as the door opens, and he steps through. “No, that’s not what—” The door shuts with a heavy bang cutting the conversation off as Howard leaves me alone with the creep.

  Raphael suddenly leans forward, but I shift back. His eyes narrow. “You afraid of me?”

  I sit taller. “I’m not afraid of you, Raphael. I’m disgusted by you.”

  He sneers but changes tactics. “You know, with Howard gone, we can talk bluntly.”

  “Oh, we can, can we?”

  “Yeah. So, ah… how about a conjugal visit? You. Me. We make this connection we have official?”

  I snort out a laugh. “Connection? You think we have a connection?”

  He lifts one brow. “You don’t feel it? That intense vibration between us. It’s the same thing I felt between Hayley and me. It’s how I know when I have to have a woman. And I will have you, Delilah. When I get out of these cuffs and you free me, I’m gonna make sure to pay you a…” he narrows his eyes, “… special visit when you least expect it.”

  Dammit! My body begins to tremble. I can’t believe he’s said that to me. Raphael’s basically just admitted right to my face he wants to sexually assault me if I get him off the charges and walking free.

  Fuck! No way. I can’t do this. No job is worth this shit.

  The creep is sick. Raphael needs to be put away for as long as the book can be thrown at him.

  I stand abruptly, the chair scraping on the concrete floor with a loud squeal.

  “Oh, come now, gorgeous… don’t run away. I just gave you the precious gift of knowing we’ll be together… soon.”

  “Rot in hell, creep! I’m done!” I head to the door and knock to be let out.

  Raphael shifts abruptly against his restraints, his chair moving slightly on the concrete floor. “Delilah… you can’t leave like this. We have a relationship. Chemistry. A connection. You want me…” The door opens, and I step through, turning back as he continues his rant, “I’m destined to have you, Delilah. I won’t be denied. I won’t give up on my fantasies of having yo—” I slam the door shut behind me as I let out a long breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  Howard strolls up to me appearing happy as a pig in shit. He’s so oblivious to everything happening around him. “Delilah, you seem rattled. Everything okay?”

  I steel my shoulders, looking my boss square in the eyes as I flare my nostrils. “Howard… I quit. The reason is on the recorded feed in the interview room.” I turn, spinning on my heels and start walking.

  “Delilah… c’mon. Burke, Zimmerman, Caine needs you. This case needs you. I need you. Lily.”

  But I don’t stop walking as I head straight for the exit.

  I’m rattled, and there’s only one person I want to see right now.

  LIFT

  I’m fucking miserable.

  I’ve been drinking like an animal, not eating properly, and so I’m running on an empty tank—emotionally and physically. I miss Lily every damn day, and knowing she’s working against us is eating at my very soul. I’m having trouble dealing with this, and everyone’s noticing. I’m spiraling, but no one knows how to help, including me.

  I’m outside in the yard working my frustrations out in the gym when the incoming ‘unknown car’ alert sounds across the compound. We all gather as Ace waits for the transmission from Gatekeeper.

  The walkie-talkie crackles as Gatekeeper’s voice comes through. “Ahh… says her name’s Lily. Needs to see Eli. Says it’s urgent,” he calls through making my ears prick up.

  Everyone turns to me like I might know what this is about. I shrug even though my heart’s racing a million miles a minute at the thought of Lily being here.

  Vibe steps forward. “Ace, tell Gatekeeper to tell her to fuck off. We don’t need anything from her.”

  My stomach falls as I look at Torque.

  It’s his call. He’s my president.

  And I will do whatever my president asks of me.

  His club—club rules.

  My head can’t make the correct decision right now.

  Torque runs his hand through his hair, cracking his neck to the side. “No. We should see what she’s got to say. Could be important,” Torque states categorically.

  The thought of seeing Lily makes my pulse race so fucking hard.

  Torque focuses in on me. “You gonna be okay?”

  I nod once. But the truth is, I have no idea if I can cope with jackshit at the moment.

  “Okay, follow me,” Torque says.

  “This is bullshit,” Vibe mumbles under his breath.

  My best friend is hurting, but I can’t be there for him right now. Besides, after what went down, he’s made it perfectly clear that any friendship we had has evaporated. He’s my brother, but he’s no longer my friend. I can’t worry about that right now, though. I need to see what Lily wants.

  Torque and I walk toward the gate, my heart hammering in my chest like a freaking jackhammer. Gatekeeper opens the gates, and I notice Lily standing next of her car waiting.

  She’s fucking beautiful.

  Tired.

  Completely broken like me. But beautiful.

  My breath catches in my throat. She’s worn out. This has taken its toll on her as well. Knowing I’m not the only one suffering somehow makes everything more bearable. But then seeing her like this also makes it a thousand times worse. I wish there were a way, a way we could work this out. I just don’t know how.

  The second her eyes lock onto mine, her body slumps as she bursts into a river of damn tears that instantly do my head in. I reach out to grab her but then stop as Torque tenses beside me, so I pull back letting her fall apart without my support. Watching her simply kills me.

  “Delilah,” Torque mutters.

  Her hands move to her face as she tries to control herself by taking a long, deep breath. I fight like hell to stay where I stand. I astound myself that I can be so composed when inside there is a man struggling to get out, to run to Lily, to give her my undivided support.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry,” she whimpers, staggering forward.

  I see it. I know in my heart I need to reach out to her, but in doing so, it will be a breach of my president’s trust, so I let her collapse to the ground in a sobbing heap. My heart—torn completely to shreds. My head snaps to Torque, pleading with him to do something. Fucking anything. But he stands stoic, staring at my woman and the mess she’s in.

  But she isn’t my woman. Not anymore.

  “Delilah, you show up here in a fuckin’ state and expect us to what? Fall at your feet? What the fuck do you want?” Torque grunts out.

  She wipes her face. “No. I was doing what I thought was my job. I was blinded by my ambition, my career. But I see now how wrong that was…
so, so, wrong.”

  Torque flares his nostrils. “So, you think Raphael’s guilty?”

  She nods vehemently, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort.

  It sends a cold shiver through me. She’s not upset because she was wrong, there’s more to this. More than what she is saying.

  “I know he is.” Lily’s eyes meet mine, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. “Eli, I quit. I can’t work there anymore. I don’t want to defend assholes like that creep. I don’t want to be that attorney who defends the wrong type of people.”

  Torque shifts, opening his eyes wide like he’s shocked by her admission. “Why did you quit? What made you leave?”

  Her entire body’s shaking.

  Fuck, I know this isn’t going to be good. My hands ball at my sides as I wait for her to tell us.

  “Raphael… he… he… told me we had a connection. Just like he had with Hayley.” I tense glancing at Torque, my body becoming so fucking hot I feel like I might internally combust. “He told me once I got him off the charges, he was going to pay me a special visit when I least expect it.” My body charges with adrenalin. “But Raphael’s smart. He didn’t say it flat out, but he meant he was going to assault me like he did Hayley. I could see it in his damn evil eyes. The man’s a creep. He needs to be locked away for a long time.”

  My breathing is rushed as I turn and start pacing trying to keep my cool, but my anger rages so fucking hot inside of me that I step to the metal gate then bring my fist up to pound it as hard as I fucking can. A loud bang bursts through the air as my knuckles split with the impact. Pain ripples through me somehow helping the agony in my chest as I let out a heavy exhale. Taking a few deep breaths, I turn around. Torque’s standing with his arms folded over his chest like he’s furious, and Lily’s watching me like she’s surprised I still care.

  I walk over, then drop to my knees next to Lily, pulling her to me. I don’t fucking care. I know Torque will be furious, but right now Lily needs me. I have to show her I’m here. She’s just been told a guy wants to sexually assault her. That’s not something you can simply get over. She needs some support too. I can’t stand by and not give it to her anymore.