Off Your Rocker? Read online

  K E Osborn

  Off Your Rocker?

  Book 1 of The Rock God Series

  K E Osborn

  Copyright 2014 K E Osborn

  This book is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this eBook and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  ISBN: 978-0-9923338-6-7

  Book design by Swish Design & Editing

  Editing by Swish Design & Editing

  Cover design by Swish Design & Editing

  Cover image Copyright 2014

  Dedicated to the music lovers of the world.

  I hope you love Colt and Lia like I do!

  First and foremost, I want to thank my mother Kaylene Osborn. Without her help, support and guidance, this book wouldn’t have reached its full potential.

  To all my friends who support me, no matter how busy I get – thank you. I love you all for your encouragement and kind words always egging me on to do the best I can.

  To Lucy, Liz, Francessca, Angel, Sophia, Melinda, Laura, Maria, Deb, Angie, Dawn, Tamera, Tasmin and Rozanne – thank you for reading Off Your Rocker? when it was in BETA and for helping me make the story the best it can be. Without your guidance and support this book would not have been the best it can be. So thank you.

  To my family, especially my mum and Wendy for your continuous love, friendship and humour, without you ladies, my life would be very dull and boring, so thank you for supporting me without question and for always being there.

  Thank you to Angel for being my mentor and friend. I love our conversations and you always make me laugh. For your support, encouragement and endless question answering – thank you, you are a rock and my guide in the dark.

  To Lucy, Chris and Jack. God I love you guys! You are seriously the best friends a girl could ask for, by making me laugh and helping me to remember not to take life so seriously. You warm my heart. I love your pommy gutses!

  To Liz. You know I love you! Thank you for being a shoulder, a firm kick in the butt or just for being someone to chat to on the long days. Thank you for always being there.

  To Francessca, Sophia and Tasmin – OMG you ladies are the reason I can continue writing. Without your help each day with promotion, etc., I would never be able to do what I love, so THANK YOU! I would be lost without you!

  Last of all, I want to thank YOU, the reader. Your continued support with my writing career is both humbling and heart-warming. I love the readers so much and I honestly couldn’t keep going without the love and support you all show me each day. Thank you for believing in me and I hope I can keep you entertained for many, many years to come.

  Stay tuned because Book II Get Your Rocks Off? Is on its way.

  Thank you,

  Much love

  K E Osborn

  Xoxo

  This book has been written using UK English and contains euphemisms and slang words that form part of the UK spoken word, which is the basis of this book’s writing style.

  Please remember, that the words are not misspelled, they are slang terms and form part of the everyday, UK lifestyle. Some euphemisms or slang terms have been provided below for your information. This book has been written using UK English.

  If you would like further explanation, or to discuss the translation or meaning of a particular word, please do not hesitate to contact the author – contact details have been provided, for your convenience, at the end of this book.

  Awesome Sauce – Describes something or someone as awesome

  Bird – A girl or a woman

  Bloody – Commonly used expletive to describe something, mild swear word

  Bonking – To have sex

  Cock-and-bull story – A hard to believe story, made up story or a lie

  Daft – An expression or state of mind that is ditzy, blank or just plain empty

  Git – Silly, incompetent, stupid, silly

  Loo – Toilet

  Lounge room – Living room

  Lounge suite – Sofa

  Mate – Buddy or friend

  Minge – Vagina

  Mobile phone – Cell phone

  Paramedic – EMT

  Shithouse – A word that is used to describe something that is not good

  Slags – A coarse or loose, promiscuous woman

  Slurry – A promiscuous young woman, similar to a slut or skank

  Snogging – To kiss passionately

  Taxi – Cab

  Twat – Fanny, Vagina

  Vest – Wife beater or tank top

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  A Note for the Reader

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Connect with me Online

  About the Author – KE Osborn

  At the age of twenty-six, my life has been a sheltered one. When I was little my father told me to call him Daddy, and I have every day since I could first talk. I’ve always been Daddy’s little girl and he loves it when I call him that, and it has just kind of stuck. I know I’m old enough to talk to him like an adult, maybe call him Dad or Father, but I’m spoilt and to me he will always be my ‘Daddy’. Plus, I always get my way whenever I call him Daddy. It’s like a weak spot for him, and I guess I use it to my advantage as well, even though deep down I know that’s not always the right thing to do. But in the end I guess I call him Daddy because I’m so used to it and it’s now second nature to me.

  I lived with my boyfriend of four years Joseph, who is from exactly the same lifestyle that I grew up in – high-class society. Daddy always thought Joseph was the right match for me seeing as we are both upper crust and living high in the social status. Because I’m an only child, Daddy has kept me in a bubble for my entire life. I’ve never done anything other than visit country clubs and attend luncheons and tea parties. I’ve only been on a plane once, and that was to go on a short holiday, but Daddy doesn’t like flying and his fear has been transferred to me and therefore I haven’t seen much of the world. I haven’t been to college or even held a job. I don’t need one, that’s what Joseph was for. I haven’t achieved or accomplished much in my life, but that’s okay because Daddy buys me everything I need. Tha
t may be seen as being spoiled, but it’s all I know. It’s how I’ve been raised. I live mainly to keep up Daddy’s social status and standing in society. He had high hopes that I’d marry Joseph and end up with the typical two point five kids and carry on his legacy while being the most socially accepted woman in England. I was on the right track to becoming everything Daddy expected of me, when everything I knew, everything I was, was taken from me. It all happened so quickly and I have no idea how it turned out like this!

  My green eyes are red and puffy as I take the cab ride to the Hyatt Hotel on Liverpool Street in the middle of London. Daddy owns the chain of Hotels throughout the United Kingdom, so I know I’ll be able to get a suite easily when I arrive. I pull my long brown hair away from my face as I wipe the tears from my cheeks. I take a tissue from my handbag and blow my nose loudly not caring about etiquette or being ladylike at this point in time. Growing up with a socialite mother and a millionaire mogul for a father, has taught me that being a lady is the only acceptable way to be.

  My life was normal, well, what I considered to be normal. I lived with Joseph and we were settled into our routine. I don’t have many hobbies or friends as I spent all my time with my parents and Joseph at my father's country house. We played tennis and drank iced tea by the pool and I guess you could say my life was uneventful, a mediocre attempt at being happy. That was until my boyfriend of four years just broke up with me. Turning my normal, predictable life upside down and throwing my axis off balance, by breaking up with me at dinner on Valentine’s Day.

  Joseph was absolutely everything I thought I wanted in a boyfriend. He has status, so my parents are happy. He has class and manners and is a well-rounded man. He has a great job working in the IT department of some Government run company, and he loves me, or at least I thought he did. As it turns out I was totally wrong about that. I thought he was going to propose, not break it off with me. I start crying a fresh river of tears as the taxi driver looks in the rear view mirror with a raised eyebrow. I blow my nose again and I see him shake his head.

  Mind your own damn business taxi man!

  He pulls up at the front of the Hyatt and I step out of the cab and walk around the back to collect my luggage. At least I was able to take some of my clothes and my prized possessions before Joseph kicked me to the curb. I pay the driver and head inside the Hyatt dragging along my suitcase and a couple of bags that are now hanging off each of my shoulders. I’m sure I look like an old bag lady. I have my trusty tight jeans on, a jumper and my old faithful converse sneakers. My hair’s a matted mess and my face must look like a blotchy red tomato from all the crying that’s happened over the last hour of my life. I’ve lost Joseph, my condo, my pet Yorkiepoo Princess Sophia and most of all, my dignity.

  I mean I thought I meant everything to Joseph, but he just came right out and told me he doesn’t, and never has loved me. Then he packed my suitcases while I stood there crying, trying with everything I had to make him change his mind. He basically pushed me out the door of our condo and said ‘it was fun, catch ya round.’ I mean who the hell says that after a four-year relationship? Granted our relationship wasn’t a highly sexual one, and let’s be honest he did have issues rising to the occasion and even those little blue pills weren’t much help.

  I walk up to the counter and Mary-Ann tilts her head to the side. “Oh Lia, what’s wrong?” I sniff and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. Mary-Ann has worked at the Hyatt for years, well for as long as I can remember. Daddy used to bring me here when he had meetings and Mary-Ann would let me sit behind the desk with her while she took care of me for the afternoon, because Mother would be off with her high society friends for lunch.

  “Joseph broke up with me, then kicked me out. Can I have the penthouse if it’s available?”

  “Oh Lia, that’s terrible, honey. The penthouse is occupied at the moment, but the suite next to it is available. Will that be okay?” Mary-Ann asks.

  I nod my head and she smiles at me sympathetically then hands me the key card for the room.

  “Thanks, Mary-Ann, please don’t tell Daddy, I just want to be alone for a while.”

  “Okay honey I won’t tell him, but if you need anything I’m here until four in the morning. Just call reception and I’ll come right up,” she says nodding her head. I take the key card and drag myself with heavy feet toward the elevator.

  Once I reach my suite I notice that the people in the penthouse are being obnoxiously loud. I sigh out a long breath and let myself into the suite. As always the room is beautiful, modern with an air of sophistication. I drag my luggage through the door and place it at the end of a massive king sized bed. Loud music’s blaring from the penthouse suite and seeping through the walls into my room. I sigh again. I change out of my clothes and into my pink and white-striped pyjamas. I lie down and bring my knees up to my chest on the large bed all alone and depressed with a raging headache that won’t subside. I cry myself into oblivion and stop just long enough to make a call to Boozeline so they can deliver some much-needed vodka. I normally go for expensive wines, but this kind of heartache calls for the hard stuff. I turn on the flat screen and tune in to watch a few gloomy movies. When you’re in a deep, dark, depressive state and you watch a really heart wrenching movie, that plus the ice-cream I’ve just devoured from room service and the vodka all at once, well let’s just say it equals a messy night.

  The night fades away into the dark hours of the early morning and eventually the noise from the penthouse subsides. By this time, a full tub of Ben and Jerry’s and three-quarters of a bottle of vodka have been consumed and I’m in no fit state for anything. The titles roll at the end of ‘Beaches’ the movie starring Bette Middler, and another wave of gut wrenching, almost heaving, and hysteria takes over my body. I feel so empty. How could Joseph do this to me?

  BANG, BANG, BANG.

  I jump as someone hits the wall between the penthouse and my suite.

  “Shut up in there, we’re trying to sleep,” someone calls out in a deep manly voice. I stop crying for a nano-second, then an image of Joseph flashes through my mind and I’m off again. My heart’s shattering into tiny splinters and no one seems to care. My entire world has changed, the routine I was in, and the life I was living are now all gone. I can’t help it, I cry so loudly I’m sure Mary-Ann in reception can hear me. I take another guzzle from the vodka bottle as I blow my nose loudly into a tissue.

  BANG, BANG, BANG.

  I jump again as I hear someone banging loudly on my door. I stand up carrying the bottle of vodka trying really hard not to spill the precious beverage and walk toward the door. I’m still sobbing as I open it. The vision before me makes my heart thud. I open and close my eyes a few times to try and get them to focus. I don’t know whether it’s from the crying or the copious amounts of alcohol, but I just can’t see properly. What I can see is a delicious looking man wearing black boxer briefs and a black vest. He’s ridiculously muscular, with tattoos up and down his arms. He has a light stubble on his jaw and his hair’s a dishevelled mess of brown with blond highlights. Then I see his eyes and I think I actually stumble slightly on the spot. I’ve never seen such piercing blue luminous eyes before, and I think for a moment I could definitely get lost in them. My crying subsides as this God before me stands looking at me with narrowed eyes while rubbing his chin.

  “Hey, um I can see that you’re upset, but we have a pretty big gig tomorrow and even though we are the kings of rock we still need ‘some’ sleep,” he says using his hands to quote as he smirks and looks me up and down. I start to cry again as I bring the bottle of vodka up to my lips and take another gulp. This guy’s amazingly beautiful and I’m standing here in my pyjamas with messy hair, a blotchy face and a broken heart and all he cares about is some gig? Who the hell is he anyway? He watches me as I take four large gulps of vodka, burning my throat with the scorching fiery liquid all the way down. I shrivel my face up as I do after every mouthful and he smiles while I wipe the tears away f
rom my cheeks. “C’mon it can’t be that bad, can it?” he asks looking at me with a smirk. Oh, so he thinks my state of disarray is funny?

  Who the hell do you think you are arsehole?

  “When your boyfriend of four years breaks up with you, kicks you out of your own home and makes you leave your doggie best friend behind, all on Valentine’s Day, yes it can actually be that bad,” I exclaim as I turn around, stumble and quickly walk back into the suite flopping down on the lounge. I sigh and take another gulp of the nearly empty bottle of vodka. I hear the door click shut and I lean back into the lounge feeling dizzy so I shut my eyes. Suddenly, I feel a weight shift beside me and I open my eyes to see the God sitting next to me with a look of concern on his face and his hand scratching at his chin. I sigh and flop my head backwards to rest on the lounge.

  “So, he dumped you on Valentine’s day? That’s pretty low.” He takes the bottle of vodka from my hands and I look at him with my brows furrowed as he puts the bottle to his lips and drinks down the remainder.

  Holy shit this man is sex on legs.

  I inadvertently lick my lips and he chuckles as he places the empty bottle between us on the lounge. I begin to cry again and his eyes widen not knowing what to do. He bites his bottom lip and then stands.

  “Okay well, try to get some sleep, I’m sure your head will be pounding tomorrow morning,” he says and moves to leave. Suddenly a panic floods over me.

  I don’t want to be alone.

  I need someone here with me.

  He can’t leave!

  I reach out to grab his hand and he turns back to face me. His hand is rough but so warm that a fire ignites throughout my entire body.

  “Please don’t leave, everybody’s leaving me and I don’t want to be alone,” I beg him. He looks at me and then to the door. Exhaling he sits down on the lounge and I sigh in relief while I wipe away the fresh tears that are forming.

  “Okay, but if I’m going to stay, that right there, that emotional female thing that you’ve got going on, it has to stop – now.”