Allegiance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 8) Read online

  The sight breaks me.

  I’ve done this to her.

  My initial instinct is to leave.

  I did this.

  She must be scared of the man who caused this reaction, right?

  But she’s my woman, and I’m not letting her go through this alone. I’m here with her. I caused it, so I’m going to help my fighter battle her way through it.

  I sit on the edge of the bed and reach my arm around her, but she flinches away. I pull her to me anyway. We need to get through this together.

  Hayley turns to me and punches me in the chest.

  Then she does it again and again.

  Punch after punch after punch.

  Each hit breaking another part of me until tears spring in my eyes too.

  My angel is falling apart, but as she runs out of steam, she finally collapses in my arms. I hold her to me, pulling her in a tight embrace. She doesn’t try to move out of my arms, she simply sobs, her entire body wracking with emotion as a tear slides down my damn face. Watching this is killing me. I grip her tighter, and her hands slide out wrapping around me pulling me to her.

  She’s finally seeking my comfort.

  So, I grip onto her as tight as I fucking can.

  Leaning in, I press my lips to her hair leaving them there.

  Rocking us back and forth on the bed until her sobs slow, she eases to a quiet whimper.

  I stroke her hair, not wavering in my grip on her for a single second until she slowly glances up at me. Her eyes are swollen and puffy. Her bottom lip trembles as she speaks, “I’m a mess.”

  “No, babe, you’re Rowdy. Remember?”

  She wipes her cheeks and lets out a long exhale. “I’m so sorry.”

  I furrow my brows. “Stop! You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Rowdy shifts closer to me, making my heart tighten in joy at that one small gesture. “I thought I could… that I was…” She closes her eyes, takes a breath, and then says, “I was wrong. I can’t… not yet.”

  “When you’re ready, we can try again. But only when you’re ready. I can wait as long as you need me to. I don’t care if it’s a week, a month, hell… fucking ten years. I’m not going anywhere. You’re my woman, and I’ll stick by you through thick and thin.”

  “You’re too good for me.”

  “No, you’re way too good for me.”

  She exhales, wiping her face. “I think I’d like to see the counselor again. She really helped last time. I’m hoping she might be able to put my head back in that right space again.”

  “I’ll make it happen.” I pull out my cell phone. “You’re gonna be okay, Rowdy. I know you are.”

  She looks up at me, and there’s nothing but love in those eyes. No fear from moments before, and it fills me with so much hope that we can get through this. Together we can bring her back. Maybe not the Hayley she once was, but we can create a new ledge for her to stand on, a new balance. She can’t be Hayley anymore because that part of her life is irrevocably altered. But Rowdy—she’s a fighter, and with my help, this club, and a little bit of self-love, I know in my heart she can do anything she puts her mind to.

  I will be there with her every damn step of the way.

  Because she’s my ride or die.

  To the very end.

  Whenever that may be.

  After spending some time alone together, we decided to head back out into the clubroom. We have some good news to share. I, for one, can’t wait to tell the guys I got off my fucking ass and made this thing official—should’ve done it a long time ago.

  My hands loop with Rowdy’s as we walk the hall toward the clubroom. A slight smile crosses her face while warmth floods my chest at seeing it light her beautiful features. I want to see that smile on her face for the rest of her life. I only ever want to see her happy, glowing like this. Especially after what happened in the bedroom before, to see her coming through the other side stronger, is all I could ever ask.

  We enter the room, brothers mulling about, drinking, playing pool. Old ladies fussing about the children as they dress in their pajamas ready for bed. Everything is as it should be. I glance at Rowdy, she nods, and so I bring my fingers to my lips and send a loud whistle through the air.

  Everyone stops what they’re doing and turn with concern etched on their faces. “I got an announcement.”

  Torque stands taller folding his arms over his chest—that man doesn’t like surprises.

  But he’ll like this one.

  “As you all know, Hayley and I have been together for a long-ass time—”

  “Yeah, she has rocks in her head,” Trax calls out, making everyone chuckle.

  “Fuck you…” I flip him the bird. “As I was saying, I don’t know why I haven’t done this sooner...” I look at her and smile. ”Everyone, Hayley will now be known as Rowdy… my Old Lady.”

  Everyone breaks out into a round of cheering, the noise in the clubhouse so loud I’m sure my eardrums will burst.

  Rowdy laughs as Jazz and Nova run over to her, gathering her up in a massive embrace.

  “Rowdy, as in Ronda Rousey?” Lift calls out. I nod. “I like it. Suits her.”

  I nod. “Thanks, brother.”

  Torque’s watching me, and he drops his chin like he’s proud. I give him a cocky grin in return, and I know I’ve done the right thing. But the approval from my president, well, that just makes this all that much sweeter.

  Now, I have to work on Rowdy to help her to see herself as I see her.

  It’s going to be tough, but if I can fight for her, I have to show her how to fight for herself.

  LILY

  The Next Weekend

  Opening my door, Eli stands before me wearing his jeans and a tight-as-fuck shirt. His leather jacket looks so damn good on him. I swear I want to skip the part of going to his house and just bring him into mine and straight to my bed.

  It’s been a week since I’ve seen him, I’ve been having withdrawals.

  Eli eyes me up and down, a glint in his eyes lets me know he’s having trouble keeping his shit together too. But I need to remember what we’re doing, I’m going to his place, and I’m excited about that fact.

  I don’t know whereabouts in Chicago he lives, but I know with a CEO salary, it’s probably amazing. I’m eager, but Eli seems nervous as hell. I can’t help but find it all a little odd. Nevertheless, he leads me to his bike, and we ride. I love being on his bike—the energy, the endorphins—it’s a rush, but I can’t help but wonder where the hell we’re going.

  After a fifteen-minute or so ride, we pull down an access road. Nerves flow through me thinking this seems like a seedy part of town, and that’s when I notice the gates of a biker club come into view. I tense so much my fingers hurt as he pulls into the yard.

  I’m officially freaking the fuck out.

  Eli reverse parks.

  I jump off the back of the bike, yanking my helmet off.

  Eli’s nerves seem to be spiking off the charts.

  My stomach twists as my head shakes from side to side slowly in my anguish. “I shouldn’t be here,” I mumble. “Did they put you up to this?”

  Eli furrows his brows in obvious confusion as I start backing away from him in utter fear. He pulls off his helmet, then steps forward trying to calm me. “I know this is a shock. I know I should have told you I was a biker right from the get-go.”

  My eyes widen in shock. “You… you’re one of them?” I yell as everyone starts to file out of the clubhouse.

  Terror sweeps over every inch of me as I turn to see them all walking toward us. I’m shaking all over as I rush over to stand behind Eli.

  He’s completely confused as he reaches out for me. “I didn’t tell you because I was worried about your reaction. Sorry about the whole CEO thing.”

  His words puzzle me. “Did you do this just to get me here? Are you g-going to k-kill m-me?” My panicked voice constantly breaks as I talk.

  Eli takes a step back. “What? Why the
hell would I—”

  “Why the fuck is she here, Lift?”

  Lift?

  Who the fuck is Lift?

  LIFT

  Vibe storms over to us, fury more than evident in his eyes. Torque’s next to him, his fists are balled by his sides as they both glare at Lily like they want to gut her like a fish.

  I’m so fucking confused.

  My head snaps from Vibe to Lily. “What the hell’s going on?” I ask, directing the question firmly at Lily.

  Lily’s body visibly shakes as she takes another step away from my brothers and me. “You faked a relationship with me so you and your biker club could what? Get me out of the picture? Well, I am not going that easily,” she yells, pure hatred seeping through her tone.

  I snap my head back in utter bewilderment. “What the hell? I knew it would be an adjustment for you, Lily. But seriously, we’re not that ba—”

  “Lift, brother, don’t you know who this fucking bitch is?” Vibe grunts out.

  The tone he’s taking with Lily makes me tense. My fists automatically ball by my sides. I am on alert ready to defend. “What the fuck, asshole? She’s here with me.”

  “You have no damn idea who that is, do you?” Torque’s eyes sharpen, and I can see he means business.

  I’m so fucking confused.

  I shake my head as I spin back to Lily. There are tears pricking her eyes as I snap back to Torque. “Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “Your girlfriend’s name is Delilah. She’s the defense attorney. The bitch who’s working to get that fucker, Raphael, off. The asshole who violated Hayley. She’s going to try to put everything back on Rowdy,” Vibe snaps.

  My stomach falls through to the ground. What the fuck!

  I turn to face Lily.

  That’s when I see it in her eyes—the fear, the way her body’s reacting—it’s the damn truth.

  I want to be physically ill right here, right now.

  The way Torque and Vibe described how Delilah works in a courtroom, it was like she’s a madwoman, a warmonger wanting to cause nothing but harm.

  But that’s not my Lily.

  How can she be two different people? Do I really know her at all?

  “Is it true? Are you that asshole’s attorney?” I yell at her.

  Lily’s bottom lip quivers like she’s afraid even to admit it. Her head nods just a fraction, but it’s enough to make me want to hurl fucking everywhere. I turn, running my hands over my shaved scalp as I let out a loud exhale while trying to come to grips with this shitstorm. “Fucking hell…” I turn around glaring at her. “You lied to me!”

  Something clicks in her as she stands taller, her finger coming up, pointing right at me. “You lied to me! You never told me you were a biker, Eli. If I’d have known…” She shakes her head. “Jesus!” The woman, who I have no idea really is, starts to pace, her boots crunching on the gravel.

  “How the fuck can you defend that low-life piece of shit, Lily?” I walk over standing right in front of her.

  She glares at me. “What gives you the right to judge me? I’m simply doing my damn job.”

  “What’s in it for you, huh? ‘Cause you sure as hell can’t believe that piece of shit is innocent.”

  She shoves me in the chest, making me take a single step back. “I can’t discuss this with you, Eli. I shouldn’t even be here.”

  “Then the answer is simple… Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Clubhouse… fuckin’ now,” Torque yells, making us both snap our heads toward him.

  My lip curls in disdain as I turn back to glare at Lily. The woman I thought I might have been falling for. The woman I obviously didn’t know. At all.

  Lily turns back to me as a tear slides down her cheek. “I thought I knew you, Eli.” Her voice is much softer now.

  My chest squeezes as I grit my teeth. “Feelings mutual… Delilah.” I draw out her name.

  Lily hands me her helmet while taking one last look at me, then starts walking toward the gate. Even through all of this, part of me still cares about her, the woman I am falling for, not the deceptive nemesis who is standing right in front of me. And certainly not the attorney who’s turning a blind eye to an asshole’s guilt and is currently making Rowdy’s life a living hell.

  I don’t know that part of Lily, and honestly, I never want to meet her.

  I thought Lily was a fantastic woman.

  Still, I must stand by my club.

  My family.

  If it means letting Lily go, then I have to stay here and watch her walk out those damn gates.

  Alone.

  I have to watch her walk out onto the unsafe streets, completely unprotected.

  Lily turns, running her eyes over me, but there’s nothing but a fierce determination in them.

  She’s angry at me. She has a right to be.

  We were both in the wrong.

  We both lied.

  It was a tangled web we had both created, and neither of us was going to come out unscathed. I can see that now.

  Gatekeeper closes the gates behind her as Torque glares at me. “How the fuck didn’t you know, Lift?”

  “She told me she was a secretary. Guess I fucked up.”

  Sparx leans in wrapping her arm around me, and I actually melt into her embrace. “It’s okay. We all fuck up sometimes.” She glares at my brothers. “If you didn’t know who she was, how can it be your fault?”

  “You should’ve gotten Ace to do a background check,” Vibe grunts unforgivingly as he turns on his heels and storms off.

  I swallow hard as I watch my best friend stride away from me.

  He’s angry—no, he’s furious.

  Vibe has every right to be.

  I get it.

  I do.

  I should have run a check on Lily.

  Why didn’t I do that?

  I let my judgment lapse, now this is the fallout.

  I brought an enemy of the club right to our doorstep.

  I let her into my bed.

  I let her into my soul.

  Now, I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to remove her.

  Doesn’t matter how I feel, Lily and I are done.

  She lied.

  She’s the enemy.

  I can’t go back now, no matter how much this damn well stings.

  Lily made her bed.

  So did I.

  Now, we have to live with our actions and consequences.

  Sparx’s sympathetic eyes focus in on me as everyone begins to walk away. “I know this was big for you. I know you had feelings for Delilah, and you’ve got to be hurting. If you need to talk, I’m always here for you.”

  That’s nice and all, but right now I need a damn beer. No. Fuck that! Something much, much stronger.

  Walking into the clubhouse, I feel all eyes on me damning me to hell. And don’t I feel like a fucking idiot for being played so well. Though I guess we played each other.

  Seems like we’re a perfect match—liars.

  I plonk down at the bar.

  Jazz grimaces. “Beer?”

  “Something stronger.”

  Jazz reaches over grabbing a bottle, pouring me a shot of Jack. Taking the glass, I down it in one go, then slap the bar a couple of times. She pours me another. Torque walks over and takes a seat next to me.

  I look up at my president like the fucking fool I am. “I fucked up. I damn well know I should have vetted her. I should have known who she was.”

  Torque cocks his head at Jazz letting her know he wants a drink. She goes about pouring him one as he slaps my back. “Thing is, Lift, when you meet someone you like, you don’t tend to think logically. Everything you’re taught goes out the window. It’s why I’m gonna go easy on you ‘cause it was clear to see you had a hard-on for her. But you gotta see, she was just playing you the entire time. Whether she was trying to get insider info or what… I don’t fucking know. You’re better off without her in your life, brother. But I am sorry it turned out this way fo
r you.”

  “I don’t think she knew who I was or that I was a part of the club. She never once asked about any information about Defiance or anything to do with Hayley. So, she couldn’t have been digging.” I shrug. “It was a chance meeting.”

  “Either way, she’s the bad guy in this, Lift. You have to know that?”

  “I do. I can’t wrap my head around the idea that Lily, this fun, sassy woman I know, is the monster of a woman who’s defending Raphael. It doesn’t sit right with me. She’s simply not like that.”

  “She’s an attorney, Lift. They’re notoriously good liars.”

  I bring my drink up to my lips, throw it back, letting the amber liquid burn all the way down. It reminds me I’m still alive, which is surprising with how completely dead I feel inside.

  The sound of racing footsteps barrels down the hall gaining my attention. I glance up to see Hayley storming into the clubroom like a woman on a damn mission. Seems she has a fire in her belly again. Vibe’s obviously told her Lily was here, no, not Lily, someone else called Delilah.

  “Lift!” Hayley yells, gaining everyone’s attention.

  Vibe’s right beside his Old Lady supporting her in whatever scene she’s about to make. I take another drink letting the heat invade my throat all the way down as she storms right up to me. She stops dead still in front of me, folding her arms over her chest. Rowdy’s face making an expression between pissed off, but there are flashes of hurt as well. It rattles me, but I’m in this zone where I’m too fucked off to care.

  “How could you?” The venom in her tone is palpable as I place my glass on the bar feeling everyone’s eyes on us.

  Taking a deep breath, I move to stand. Rowdy’s eyes follow me as I edge past her. Her expression falls the second she knows I’m walking away. I can’t be the man I’m supposed to be right now. She’s my friend, my best friend’s woman, and I can’t be here to help her with this shit. So, I push past.