Deviance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 3) Read online

  She swallows hard reaching out for the beer on the bar, throwing it back.

  Torque glances to me but continues, “The thing is, Cindi, they want a fighter. So I’m sure you’d be placed in matches to check your capabilities. They’d want to test your body, to see what your strengths and weaknesses are up against your profile. They would keep you weak so you couldn't escape. They wouldn’t be kind to you. We could probably track you, but once you’re in their system, we wouldn’t have a way to keep you safe. You’d be on your own until we can buy you back. You’d have to fight for yourself.”

  She takes another large sip of her beer as I shake my head, even I think this is too big of an ask.

  “Now, there’s no way in hell we’re going to force you to do this. It has to be your choice, and yours alone. No one will be angry if you say no. We will understand fully, respect your decision, and find another way. We just know that with your fighting capabilities and your acting skills, if anyone could pull this off, it’s you.”

  She lets out a heavy sigh, glancing to me. “Trax, you of all people have the hardest time with Enzo. In your opinion, does he love his daughter?”

  I nod. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve always been one step removed from Enzo, but he’s broken. I didn’t even know he had a daughter, and that says it all. He wanted her kept out of the limelight, away from his ‘endeavors,’ so she wouldn’t get caught in the crosshairs. That tells me everything.”

  She takes another sip from her beer, then nods. “Okay. I’m in.”

  Torque and I both sit up a little taller. “Do you fully understand what this means Cin—”

  “Fighting, starvation, probably sexual shit, too. Yeah, I get it. This is the acting gig of a lifetime, Torque. Not only that, I get to do my two favorite things in the world, fighting and fucking. What’s not to love about this role?”

  I stifle a laugh as she looks to me. “Trust you to find a positive in this fucked-up shit.”

  She shrugs. “It’s for an eleven-year-old girl. She’s the innocent in this. She can’t go through hell like that. Me? I’m built for that shit. Her, not so much. I need to get the kid out.”

  Torque grabs Cindi’s hand making her look at him. His eyes are hard, focused as she steadies her breath. “We will get you out.”

  She smiles. “I know. I trust you. That’s why I’m doing this… small-time role for big-time gain.” She narrows her eyes. “We got this.”

  I pick up my tumbler throwing back the contents, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe right now we’re biting off more than we can chew, not just with Cindi and the Scarsis, but with me having to inevitably talk to Crest about Mylee.

  Yeah, shit’s getting real, very fast.

  How the hell are we going to hang on for this motherfucking ride?

  MYLEE

  I can’t move.

  I feel like my body is glued to the spot. Like my mind is a vast array of nothingness, and all I can do is hear what’s going on. The sound of the heart monitor beeps in a normal rhythm making me aware I’m in a hospital.

  I can’t remember anything.

  I can’t feel anything.

  All I know is that I’m numb.

  My eyes slowly open, everything’s a haze, it’s like a whitewash. Heaviness floods my senses. I’m so tired. I can barely focus. The only thing I can see, in the short distance my eyes are focusing in on, is the curtain in front of my bay. I can see shadows walking past. I hear the nurses talking to each other, but I can’t make out what they’re saying, though.

  Someone walks into my bay, wearing a lab coat.

  I don’t know who.

  I can’t move.

  I can’t function.

  I blink a couple of times, but my head can’t move, only my eyes.

  I can’t speak.

  Nothing.

  But when I see him—the doctor—my muscles tense as fear ripples through me.

  His red hair.

  His stocky build.

  Everett is holding a clipboard as he looks down at me, a broad smile lighting his face.

  “Hello, Mylee. Go to sleep… sweet dreams, my love,” his voice is calm, unlike how I’m feeling as he fiddles with my drip. My breathing is harsh, frantic, but I can’t move. The sedative too strong as my eyes blink, once, twice, and then fear swallows me whole as everything goes black.

  My head’s foggy.

  I feel dopy.

  Out of it.

  Like I’ve definitely been drugged. But there’s that other sense too. That cloud, the one that hangs over my head when I know I’m in trouble when the storm has hit, and now I’m in limbo.

  That in between.

  The aftermath.

  My eyes are heavy, my mouth dry like it’s full of cotton wool. I blink a few times trying to put the pieces back together but can’t really recall much. I shift slightly, pain in my leg bringing back memories of the crash. My chest aches as I remember coming into the hospital emergency department, but as I glance around the room, I note this is an actual hospital room not the emergency area anymore.

  I’ve been admitted.

  As I glance at the edge of my bed, I see Trax sitting there facing away from me, staring aimlessly out the window. But there’s a sensation across my hand of him stroking my skin lovingly, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. As I look down, I see he’s running his thumb up and down the back of my hand.

  It fills me with warmth.

  I instantly feel safe.

  Calm.

  But suddenly my stomach rolls making me feel nauseous, then it hits me, the memory flooding back as I glance at my stomach. I let out a small whimper as my hand flies to my tummy making Trax turn to face me. His eyes lock onto mine, his glassy as I look to him, and I can’t help but let out another whimper. He leans forward bringing his free hand to my face caressing my cheek trying to soothe me.

  “Hey shhh, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re okay. You’re in a safe place. Just breathe, Mylee,” he instructs, so I take a few deep breaths continuing to look into his eyes as mine well up at the memory that I’m pregnant.

  A lump forms in my throat as I move my hands to hold his. “Trax, I’m…” I pause, and he slowly bobs his head up and down.

  “Yeah, baby, you are. We are. We’re in this together.”

  I shift to sit up in the bed, and he helps me move. Trax slides in next to my side as we sit on the bed. He looks at me, but I can’t seem to get a grip on what I’m feeling. I know this can’t happen, but something deep down inside is making it all seem a little exciting. I never wanted this. I never wanted kids. It’s too fucking hard. Plus, damning a child to the life I’ve lived is just plain evil. I couldn’t possibly do that, could I?

  Trax grabs my hand, forcing me to look at him. “You’re thinking. You’re overthinking. Mylee, I know you didn’t want this. A baby was never in our cards. I know what your first instinct is, but you need to think about this.”

  I’m tormented at the thought of having to go through an abortion. The idea of aborting an innocent child is abhorrent to me, but the thought of condemning a child to my fate is equally as bad, isn’t it? I’m so fucking torn. I cuddle into Trax’s side needing his comfort as he wraps himself around me.

  “You want to keep the baby?” I murmur asking Trax.

  He nods against my head. “I do. That child is a part of you and me, and Mylee…” he exhales, “… that’s incredible. I know there’ll be challenges, but I know you. I’ve been through a lot with you. I’ve seen you off your meds, I’ve seen you manic, I’ve seen you depressed, and I’ve also seen you strong and can handle anything. I think we can handle this if you’re willing.”

  “What about when our child has an event that might trigger their bipolar disorder. How will we handle that? Having two people with bipolar disorder will be hard on you?” I look up to Trax, he simply smiles swiping hair away from my face leaning in and planting a tender kiss on my forehead. “Then we deal with it. We’re in this together. We’re not the f
irst family to go through this, Mylee, and we won’t be the last. Plus, we have an entire brotherhood watching our backs, helping us through. We have far more support than most families because our family is massive.”

  My heart skips a beat. “True. I guess we have two families, the Defiance and the Knights. They’ll both look after us.”

  “Exactly… that is if your father doesn’t fucking exterminate me first.”

  Raising my brow, I let out a sigh. “Yeah… does he know?”

  “No. Wanted to wait till you were awake, till we knew what we were doing before I got Crest involved.”

  “Good call. I’m so tired, I don’t really know if I’m thinking straight, Trax.”

  “That’s fine. Just talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

  “Scared… if we do this. It means so much. Medication changes, body changes, our relationship could change. What if… what if you fall out of love with me?”

  He glares at me like I’ve said the most stupid thing in the world. I know I’m not thinking straight, but the way he’s looking at me right now, I know it wasn’t the right thing to say. “How could you ever think that? I’m in this with you. I was in it with you two years ago. I’ve been with you ever since then just waiting for you to come back to me. The moment you stepped back into my life you’ve been mine, and I swear to God I’m not going fucking anywhere no matter what. Baby or not. Medication or not. You’re mine, Mylee, all the way. I’ll fucking tell the entire world I’ve claimed you if need be. I don’t fucking care. I’ll post a billboard in the heart of Italy if you want me to. ‘Mylee’s claimed’ in big fucking flashing neon lights. You’re mine, in the good and in the bad. I know we have some shit heading our way, but I don’t care if you try to gouge my eyes out in a fit of anger, I’ll still be there for you and our baby… always.”

  Tears fill my eyes as I rush forward embracing him tightly. He claimed me. Even with my head in a fog, I can still feel the joy while he embraces me tightly. “I love you,” I whisper.

  He pulls back looking into my eyes. “I love you, too. So we gonna do this? Are we gonna have a baby?”

  I exhale looking deep into his gorgeous blue sparkling eyes. There’s so much hope in them, the love oozing from him, the adoration, the desire. I can’t deny him this even though I feel like a part of me will always feel tortured for doing this, like a part of me will always feel blame for what will happen to our son or daughter. I know if I terminate our child, I’d always feel guilt for ending an innocent life. Catch twenty-two. There’s guilt in both scenarios, it’s just which guilt is bigger, and right now I can’t find myself being able to squash the growing excitement slowly winning out inside of me as I nod to him slowly.

  His eyes light up as he takes in my approval. He smooths his hands over my face. “Are you fucking saying what I think you’re saying?”

  I exhale. “I need to talk to the doctors. I need to know more details. But I’m saying I will consider keeping our child. The idea of you looking after us is… kinda heartwarming.”

  He grins the widest I’ve seen in so long as he leans in planting a giant kiss against my lips. I smile, kissing him back. The kiss isn’t heated or lustful, it’s warm and loving.

  I hear a throat clearing, and we pull apart to see Kline walking in. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’m glad to see you’re awake and doing okay.”

  I glance down at my lap. “I’m still a little concerned about it all. But I am sorry I went all crazy on you—”

  “You had a reaction, and it was perfectly normal in your condition. Though it doesn’t change the result of the blood test, so I need to know if you want me to follow up. Would you like me to run some further tests to see how the baby’s doing, or make… other arrangements, if you’ve had this discussion yet?” she asks.

  Trax tenses slightly beside me, but I take a deep breath steadying myself even though my heart’s racing. “Can you book in some further tests, please? I would like to see how our baby’s doing.”

  Trax beams so wide, pulling me closer to him, kissing the top of my head as he relaxes beside me.

  “Of course… now, in this case, would you also like for me to call for your physician or psychiatrist. You might need to have some discussions.”

  “Yes, please. I think this is something I need to have all the facts about. Umm… Dr. Kline, as for the meds I’m on now, do I need to stop them right away?”

  “I think we wait for your treating psych to get here. He can fill you in on the best practices regarding weaning you off the meds if you need to, but for now, keep taking them. I’d like to point out how lucky you both are that the baby survived your accident. I’d call that a little miracle.”

  Unease washes over me. It’s only now just dawning on me that we could have lost this baby before we even knew about it. The idea of staying on my meds doesn’t sit right considering we have this little miracle inside me. I wish I could stop immediately. I don’t want any harm to come to our baby, but I know there’s a process. And before I see my specialist, I need to make sure I do this right. All I want is to get through this without any hassles. But with the threat of Everett still out there, and now the idea I have to tell Dad what’s going on, things are only going to get harder for us both not easier.

  “Thank you, Dr. Kline, for everything.”

  “You’re welcome, Mylee, it’s my pleasure. Any Old Lady of the club is a friend of mine.”

  Trax has obviously told her he was going to claim me while I was asleep. Either that or she figured, but either way, being claimed by Trax brings a new set of drama to deal with my dad. The idea that his little girl will be permanently staying in Chicago is going to grate on his very last nerve, not only that but the fact Trax has knocked me up, I know he’s going to blow a gasket.

  Kline walks out as I look to Trax raising my brow. I sigh. “I guess we should call Dad?”

  Trax rolls his shoulders. “I should do it. I need to man up—”

  “I don’t think that’s the best idea. He might lose his shit at you.”

  Trax raises his brow and gives me his lopsided smirk. “Oh yeah, that shit’s inevitable. I need to take responsibility for this. I’m not really asking at this point, I’m calling him. End of discussion.”

  I like his determined tone, so I weakly smile. If he’s brave enough to take on the typhoon that my father’s going to rain down on him, then have at it.

  The Hunger Games catchphrase seems appropriate here…

  May the odds be ever in your favor!

  TRAX

  She hands her cell over to me as I sit on the edge of her bed. Tension barrels over my shoulders making them the tightest they have ever fucking felt. Knowing this will probably be the hardest call I will ever make is making it difficult to press the green button against his name, but I do so making sure not to put it on speaker. I don’t want Mylee overhearing if he says shitty stuff because she’s right next to me hanging on with bated breath.

  He answers, his voice chirpy which makes me grin. “Mylee, my sweet girl, I miss you. How are you?”

  Clearing my throat, I ready myself. “Crest, this is Trax.”

  “You’re calling from Mylee’s number, I thought it was her. Fuck! What’s going on?”

  I rub the back of my neck swallowing down the nerves. “She’s fine, but there are some things I need to discuss with you.”

  He’s quiet for a pass but then continues, “Okay, is she having an episode?”

  “No… we were, ah…. out on a ride and got into an accident—”

  “Jesus—”

  “She’s okay. Just some cuts to her leg. I brought her straight to the hospital. We’re here now.”

  He exhales sounding annoyed. “Thanks for taking care of her, can I talk to her?”

  “Sure but there’s a little more you need to know.”

  He exhales. “Trax, I’m not fucking liking the tone in your voice. What the fuck’s going on? Was it Everett?”

  I’d almost forgotte
n why Mylee was even here. This Everett guy hasn’t even been a damn problem. I need to look more into that, but one problem at a time. “No, we got caught up in a high-speed chase, collateral damage, but Crest, when they ran some bloodwork on Mylee, they found something.”

  “What the hell do you mean? Spit it the fuck out! Now!”

  Mylee takes my hand for support. I look at her as she bobs her head giving me the go-ahead to tell her father he’s going to be a grandfather. “Mylee’s… pregnant, Crest.”

  I scrunch up my face waiting for the imminent yelling match, but there’s nothing.

  Just deafening silence.

  It sends a chill through my entire soul as I look to Mylee, my breathing increasing in intensity. “Crest?”

  “Is she keeping it?” His voice is quiet, and it’s not the Crest I know.

  “We’re looking into that option, yes.”

  He lets out a heavy sigh. “She never wanted this. She must be going through hell right now. Jesus Christ, my poor girl…” He sounds broken, sad. Not the anger I was expecting, more like grief is taking over, and it’s shocking me. I glance to Mylee noticing she’s watching me intensely.

  “Crest, I know Mylee didn’t want to have children. We both know it. We didn’t plan this. Fuck knows we didn’t. But the idea we created a life together, something that’s part of the both of us… that’s gotta be some kind of fucking miracle. I know the fears that come with this baby and pregnancy, but I’m with Mylee in this. You know me. You know my love for her. We’ve created a life, and that life is your grandchild, Crest.”

  A tear rolls down Mylee’s face. I move in wiping it away from her cheek with my thumb. She nuzzles into my hand as I smile at her. I hope she knows how honest my words are. Crest sniffs like he’s having a hard time keeping himself together. “Fuck. I need to come down there. Be with you two, help sort all this shit out. Now is really crap timing for the club, but my girl comes first. How is she really, Trax?”

  I look to her seeing a sparkle in her eyes, the fear, the anguish I’m sure it’s still there, but there’s also a spark that wasn’t there when she first found out. That spark is what’s making me sure we’re doing the right thing. Keeping this baby is the best option for the both of us.