Acceptance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 5) Read online

  I turn the faucet, cup my hands under the water, and splash my face. The water cools my overheated cheeks as the droplets of water run down my skin and neck. I splash again as I lean over the basin scrubbing at my face trying to figure out how the hell I got to this point. Where a man so screwed up as me went from having the one person in my life I could count on the most to fucking it up so bad now she won’t return my calls.

  It’s been almost a week since that kiss.

  Since the Gentlemen came calling with our ex-brother, Renegade, tearing up the damn place.

  Since Torque’s wedding.

  So much happened last week.

  Turning off the faucet, I grab the hand towel from the rail to dry my face. I take one last look in the mirror and shake my head. “God, you’re an ugly fucker inside and out,” I murmur to myself as I flick off the switch while walking into my room. I sit on the edge of my bed grabbing my cell. I know there’s no point, but I check it to see if there’s a message from Bex.

  There’s not.

  Wracking my jaw from side to side, tension rolls through me as I rub the back of my neck.

  Surely she can’t stay mad at me forever?

  Sighing, I open her number in the messages app staring at all the unanswered messages I’ve already sent this past week. Gritting my teeth, I figure I should send the one thing I haven’t yet.

  Maybe it will help.

  So, I type out one simple word then hit send.

  Me: Sorry

  I flop back on my bed, throwing my cell on the pillow beside me. I know it’s the middle of the night. She’ll either be asleep or on night shift, but either way, she won’t reply right now, if she will at all. I flick off the bedside light and close my eyes, but almost instantly images of my childhood swamp my mind. An image of Luc, my best friend at basecamp, flashes through my head. His long, black hair falling across his face as he’s whipped from behind while they make me watch. His screams of agony filtered through the air while all I could do was to sit, letting him take his beating, or I’d be next.

  The problem with that scenario was, I was always next anyway.

  CHAINS

  The Next Day

  It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been to visit Abi and Will, but with the shit going on with Bex, I feel like I need some sort of reminder of home. I have no idea if they know what happened between Bex and me—the kiss, I mean. But if they do, they haven’t said anything to me. I’m pretty sure they might have something to say about it.

  Sure, there’s no DNA shared between Bex and me, but for the last nineteen years, we’ve lived as a family. But there’s always been a spark, an intimacy, a bond, that made me look at Bex like I’ve needed her in my life to breathe. It’s got to mean something, so when I crossed that line, when I kissed her, it changed something. It took us into a whole different territory, and now I have no idea where we stand. Shit! I don’t even know what the hell I’m thinking, let alone feeling.

  Thank fuck riding my bike always helps ease my tension, if only for the ride. The wind sweeps at my face while the vibration of the engine rattles between my legs as I ride the distance from the Defiance clubhouse to the place I call my home. The place I spent some of my teenage years. The place that changed my life—for the damned better. The home of William and Abilene Kline—my foster parents and heaven-sent fucking angels, I swear.

  Will is a stockbroker, he’s one of the best in his field. Abi works for the Illinois DCFS and specializes in the foster care area.

  Lucky for me.

  I hammer down pulling closer and closer to my home away from home. I’ve been at the club for years. Moving out of the Kline’s house was difficult but being at the MC felt necessary. I knew I’d have damn good men at my back. So, when the time came to join the brotherhood, it was a no-brainer, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss the Kline household, though.

  The thing I don’t miss about the Kline’s home is how close it is to the Sovereign’s inner sanctum. Given, it’s nearly a quarter of an hour’s drive from the fucking assholes to the Kline’s house, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than it is from the clubhouse. Coming here always makes me think of how being close to the inner sanctum at any time could put me back on the Sovereign’s radar. It’s something I can’t even comprehend.

  I pull back on the throttle even harder as I slide out around the corner heading into Beverly. The suburb is so familiar to me—the trees lining the suburban street as my Harley engine roars, the quaint leaves waving to and fro with the small breeze. The suburb is so well kept it reminds me I need to take off my boots before I go inside the house. Don’t want to muddy Abi’s carpets.

  When I pull down S. Winchester Avenue, a sense of home, of calmness, washes over me as I veer into the small concrete drive. The path inset into the green grass appears slightly overgrown. I make a mental note to get onto it before I leave today. I know Will’s busy with work, so the garden becomes overrun sometimes. It’s the least I can do while I’m here.

  The loud roar of my engine cuts off, the noise hushes to silence as I slide off my ride, pull off my helmet, and walk to the door. It flings open before I have a chance to even stride up the porch steps as Abi comes out wearing her silk robe, her short, wavy blonde hair looking immaculate. Her face is stunning even with no makeup. She’s beautiful—even if she’s just turned sixty—and still looks amazing for her age. Abi works out, keeps healthy swearing by green tea. This woman is the spitting image of healthy living. The opposite of me. Sure, I have the six pack, the muscles, and I workout, but I eat shit, smoke when I feel like it, and drink like a fucking fish. I don’t worship my body like she does. Hell, even like Will does. Fuck, even like Bex does. I guess it’s the Kline way, but I’m not a Kline, not really, as much as I want to be, my blood isn’t theirs.

  “Ty!” Abi calls out rushing toward me, her arms out as she sashays toward me, her fluffy slippers grating on the concrete path as I thump my boots quickly to greet her.

  “Hey, Abi.”

  She wraps her arms around me in a warm embrace as I pick her up hugging her back. She stifles a laugh as I hold onto her. “You’re such a big man, you buffoon. Put me down, the neighbors will talk.”

  “Then let ‘em. Fuck what they think!” I put her down as she runs her hands over my cut as if putting it in place.

  “You’re right.” She turns her head to look across the way. “Fuck what you think, Mrs. McCrery,” she yells out making my eyes bug out as she bursts out laughing. I duck down grabbing her, yanking her toward the house.

  “Jesus, Abi, I’m a fucking bad influence on you.”

  We stride up the path onto the porch as she pulls open the screen door while I pull off my muddy boots.

  Abi waves her hand through the air dismissively as she rolls her eyes. “Where do you think you learned your bad language, Ty? Wasn’t from Will.”

  I snort out a laugh as I walk with my holey socks inside my home—the place where I spent the better part of my teenage years. It looks the same–baby photos of Bex line the hallway, then pictures of the four of us beside it, a wedding picture of Abi and Will, even a picture of Scruffy, our dog, who died when I was eighteen. It’s still hard to see the picture of Scruffy because that dog helped me through some rough shit.

  Him and Bex.

  We were a good team.

  We stroll inside to the smell of bacon and coffee. My stomach rumbles as we walk toward the small kitchen. I stride in to see Will dressed in his trusty apron at the stove flipping the bacon. “Mornin’, Will.”

  He turns to face me, his worn, wrinkled skin, his gray hair becoming a little grayer, the lines on his face deepening, but he still looks handsome for a man of his age. “Hey, kid, thought I heard you pulling up, want some pig?”

  “What do you think?” I mock.

  “One serve of crispy fat coming right up. Want sausage, too?” he asks.

  “Fuck, I need to come home more often.” I slide onto the rickety wooden chair at the small din
ing table in the middle of the kitchen.

  Abi steps up to me caressing my bearded cheek. “Yes, you do, with a little warning would be nice, so I could at least get dressed for you.”

  My face scrunches up. “I lived with you and seen you in a robe before, Abi.”

  She tussles my hair walking past me to the coffee pot. “No, I know, but you were a teenager then. I need to be more respectful now.”

  I scoff. “What bullshit. You don’t need to change shit for me.”

  Will chuckles, draining the fatty food on some paper as Abi pours me a cup of joe. “Well, in that case… get your own coffee.” She winks at me taking a sip of the mug she was pouring for me.

  I grin, standing from my chair, the gingham tablecloth folding up with my movement. So, I untangle myself and stride over to the pot, poking her in the ribs making her giggle as I pass. I grab a mug from the overhead cupboard and pour myself a cup, then step back to my seat, plonking down as Will brings over my morning plate of fried food.

  God, I love coming home.

  I pick up a piece of the crispy bacon shoving it in my mouth, the crunch resounds through the room as Will dishes up a plate for himself and Abi. They take a seat on either side of me.

  “So, Ty, what brings you here? Not that you need a reason. We love having you, always, you know that,” Will offers.

  Tension rolls over me. The thought of the kiss between Bex and me lingers in the air. Do they know? Are they waiting for me to admit it and talk to them about it? Should I talk to them about it?

  I don’t think I can.

  The thought of them rejecting me, the thought they might exclude me from their family for doing something that’s so… fucking who knows, plays on my mind. So, I sit here staring at them like a fucking lost puppy with a piece of bacon dangling from my mouth as they both furrow their brows assessing me.

  Abi’s hand reaches out, her fingers gently placing on my arm as her soft blue eyes look into mine. “Ty, honey… are you all right?”

  A small cough escapes my throat as I try to gather myself. I take a deep breath and build up the damn courage to reply, “Yeah, shit, sorry. Just got to thinkin’ about club business. I’m fine.”

  Will sniffs while placing his fork and knife down. “Kid, you in trouble?”

  So fucking much!

  I fake a laugh. “What? No. Nothing like that. Just ah… busy. You know how it is. Duty-n-shit.”

  Abi licks her lips tightening her grip on my arm. “You’d tell us if something was wrong… wouldn’t you? If you were in danger?”

  I purse my lips. “I’m not in danger, Abi. I promise. It’s all good. I’m just… distracted.”

  Her eyes widen. “Ohhh… I get it. Ty, have you got…” she narrows her eyes, “… woman trouble?”

  Tensing up, I look at Will who tries to hide the hopeful glint in his eyes.

  I figure they’re not entirely wrong, so I roll with it. “Kinda.”

  Abi lets out a loud squeal as she claps her hands together. “Oh my God! I’ve been waiting for this day. Ty, you met a girl?”

  I roll my eyes. “Abi, calm down—”

  “What’s she like? Is she pretty? Where did you meet her? Oh gosh, can we meet her—”

  “Abi, stop! You’re smothering the poor kid,” Will interrupts Abi’s quickfire questions.

  Abi takes a deep breath as if to calm herself. “Sorry. I just… I just want you to be happy.”

  I force a smile. “I know, it’s complicated.”

  Abi winces. “God, she’s not married is she?”

  Will chuckles as I huff. “You have low expectations of me, Abi.”

  She pats my arm looking at me hesitantly. “She’s not though, right?”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake… no, she’s not married. Can we drop this?”

  “Okay, okay, sorry. She’s not a club girl, is she?”

  I glare at her. “Abi!”

  “Okay, I’m done.”

  I roll my eyes. “Thank fuck,” I murmur as Will’s chest continues to bob up and down with laughter while trying to eat his bacon at the same time which is a total failure.

  I pick up a sausage taking a bite. “Maybe Rebecca will have a better time talking to you about it. You two have such a close bond.” I tense up, the piece of sausage lodges in my throat as I start to choke. I cough as my eyes widen. No air is getting through. Will stands as Abi slaps me hard on my back. The piece of sausage flies out of my mouth landing in the middle of the table spinning around in a circle twice, then coming to an abrupt stop while I pant for air.

  “Shit! Shit! Shit! Are you okay?” Will asks.

  I put my hand to my forehead. Fucking hell! I need to get a grip on this crap with Bex because it’s literally going to kill me.

  “Okay, I’m done teasing you now if it’s going to cause you to choke on sausage. I’ll lay off,” Abi teases making me look at her, a gleam of humor still showing in her eyes.

  I pick up my coffee taking a sip to clear out my throat, then sit back in my chair. “I guess I always was an attention seeker,” I murmur.

  Abi and Will both laugh as we all pick up another piece of bacon to continue eating.

  Making my way from the bathroom where I just cleaned myself up after doing the lawns like I planned, I make my way down the hall. I can’t help but look at the photos on the walls. Stopping to take them in, I listen to the sounds of Abi and Will cleaning up. I glance at the photo of Bex and me when we were about seventeen or so sitting with Scruffy. We were so young, but even then we had a strong bond with each other. I can’t help but feel strange, confusion riddles my every being as I stand here staring at the pictures, knowing one kiss has probably changed our future. Whether we can ever be here in this home together as a family again, I have no idea.

  Will Christmas be the same? Birthdays? Fuck! I really screwed us up, but one thing I can’t deny is when I kissed her, it set something alight inside of me. I’ve always had strong feelings for Bex. I thought it was just our bond, now I know it’s more. I care about her, so fucking much. I love her, I have no doubt. I love her with all I have, but when does that love cross a line? When does it go from feelings into something a little different?

  We may not share DNA, but I don’t know how to turn this attraction off. I know I’ve always thought she’s crazy stunning, the way her hair falls around her face when it’s down, the peak of her lips, her cute nose. I’ve adored her since the first day we met in the park, but this time, she was just patching me up one minute being her feisty self, then bam, I was kissing her.

  I’m a fucking idiot.

  “Ty!” Abi calls out breaking me from my rambling thoughts.

  I take one last look at the photos, then turn to head for the kitchen. Will’s already over at his computer desk checking out Friday’s stock market report, even on a Sunday he’s working. Always has. I walk over to Abi taking her into my arms. She embraces me while looking up at my face. “You never said why you came here this morning?” she asks cuddling into me.

  I lean in, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “Can’t a guy just miss the people who gave him a new life?”

  “Of course, he can. Can you miss us a little more frequently? Say once a week?” she mocks.

  I snicker. “I’ll try.”

  “Rebecca makes it every Sunday for dinner.” She rubs salt into the wound without knowing it.

  “I know, Abi.”

  She peers at me through her lashes. “We’d love to have you both one night if you can make it.”

  Taking a sharp inhale, I shrug. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  She snuggles into my chest. “I love you, Ty.”

  I hold her tight. “I love you, too.”

  She slaps my ass with a loud laugh as she lets me go. “Okay, can I give you some food to take back to the clubhouse with you?”

  God, she’s good to me.

  “I have no way to get it there with me riding, but thank you anyway.”

  “Okay… just one
more thing before you go.”

  I glare at her playfully. “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Leave him alone, Abi!” Will calls out.

  “Oh stop, William. You’re taking my fun away. Ty, tell your mystery woman to take care of you. If she treats you bad, she has me to answer to, okay?”

  I scoff out a laugh. “Sure thing, Abi. I gotta go, but I’ll see you both soon.”

  “See ya, kid, look after yourself. No more choking on dick, I mean sausage!” Will calls out.

  “Fuck you, old man,” I call back making him laugh as he waves at me.

  Abi snickers while walking me to the door. “Right, on ya bike,” she mocks.

  After kissing her cheek, I bend to grab my boots, pulling them on. She looks me up and down with a sigh. “What a man you’ve grown up to be, Ty. I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

  Smiling at her, I then yank on my helmet, walk over to my bike, and slide on the back of my ride. I turn over the engine, reversing out of my parents’ home. Abi waves me off as Mrs. McCrery watches from her pulled-back curtains across the road. I wave as I ride past, but she quickly drops the curtain making me chuckle as I hammer down toward home.

  Toward my clubhouse.

  Toward my brothers.

  Heading out of Beverly, the tension in me is rippling. I know this area so well. I grew up here, but I also spent the first sixteen years of my life five miles away in Burnside with the Sovereigns. When we weren’t at the inner sanctum in Burnside, we were at basecamp in South Deering. They hid the basecamp in plain sight. What looks like a golf course to the naked eye, but hidden in the back recesses of the mounds is the torture area for the boys, in the section known as the 19th hole. Especially made at the end of the round. No one goes in there except for the Sovereigns. It’s closer to the marsh pond, so if anything goes awry and they need to dispose of someone, they can—easily. I have no idea how many bodies are at the bottom of that muddy, death pool. So, needless to say, me being close to all that crap again always sets the hairs on my arms on edge.