The Violet Widow? (Shattered Heart #1) Read online

  He puts his hand out for me to shake. I look at it and smirk.

  “Hey, I’m—”

  “Stop, I don’t do deep and meaningfuls. I don’t do details and I don’t do names. Got it?” I say stating my terms to this… conversation, if that’s what this is.

  He raises an eyebrow and nods, putting his hand down. “Okay, got it. So, if you don’t do names what do I call you?” he asks and I smile back at him.

  “People call me, The Violet Widow. Nice to meet you,” I say and put my hand out for him to shake. He chuckles and furrows his brows like he’s amused by me.

  “Nice to meet you. I’m, umm… let me think… you can call me… Rock,” he says with a smirk and shakes my hand. The warmth of his touch ignites something inside me. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I instantly feel a connection with him. I can’t explain it, but he’s drawing me in. His cheek and his willingness to abide by my rules makes me want to stay and talk to him. Might be the alcohol, might be that today makes me feel like the loneliest woman on the planet, or it just might be his freaky eyes, but something is pulling me to him, and I kinda want to find out what that might be.

  “So Rock, what brings you to a place like this at this time of night? Are you some two-coloured eye freak who preys on drunken women and likes to take advantage of their wallowing?” I ask and his lips raise in a half-smile while his eyes widen.

  “Wow, you don’t think much of me do you, TVW?” he asks making me furrow my eyebrows.

  “TVW?”

  “Yeah, it’s easier to say than The Violet Widow, which is a really weird name, by the way. Is it some strange spider name? Are you venomous to all mankind and you’re here to devour your prey?” he replies making me smirk.

  “So, gonna play hardball, eh? Well, two can play at that, Rock,” I say and go to stand up. He raises an eyebrow and rests his hand on my arm. A surge of electricity flows through me and my breathing hitches infinitesimally, but enough for me to notice.

  “Sorry. You started it though, just thought I could give back as much as I got. You know just trying to play your game, but I can settle down if it means you’ll stay for another drink?” he says, his eyes softly gazing at me.

  I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and nod. “Fine, one drink, but if you piss me off again I might just chew you up and spit you out. You know, because you are my prey after all,” I say and sit back down.

  He laughs and nods. “Okay, no worries, I’ll behave. So, what is an amazingly attractive woman such as yourself doing alone at the bar at three in the morning? There are two-coloured eye freaks out there you know?” he grins and I shake my head.

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I can get defensive. And anyway I can take care of myself, at any time of the day, but especially three in the morning,” I reply and he raises an eyebrow.

  “I’m sure you can, but you didn’t answer me. What brings you here?”

  I frown at the memory and swallow the lump that’s there again and he frowns at my reaction.

  “Sorry, you don’t do details, I get it.”

  I nod and wave my hand at the bartender.

  “What drink will you have, Rocky?” I ask and he smirks.

  “Umm… Rocky, is not cool. Yeah, I guess he’s an awesome boxer and shit, but Rocky as a name is lame. So stick with Rock, it sounds suave,” he says making me chuckle.

  “Righto, what drink will it be… Rock?” I ask and he smiles, and for the first time in five years a man has made my panties wet, just with a simple smile. Shit, I’m in trouble here. My smile falls as my mind slips to thoughts of Danny. I feel like I’ve betrayed him by getting turned on by another man’s smile.

  He looks at me and creases his brows slightly assessing my shift in mood.

  “You okay?” he asks leaning in and looking up at me through his long lashes.

  I snap out of it and nod with a fake, plastered on smile. “Yeah, sorry was in my own little world there for a second,” I say as the bartender walks over.

  “I’ll have another Cosmo and Rock here will have a Cooper’s Light beer thanks.” I turn to face Rock and notice his freaky eyes staring right back at me with a gleam in them. “What?”

  He smiles and looks down at his stomach, which I’m assuming underneath his shirt is ripped like a Greek God. “Light beer? You think I’m fat or something?” he asks with a smirk.

  I shrug. “You seem like the light beer type, not ‘cause you’re fat, but because you like to keep fit. I can read men. I know what you like Rock and light beer is definitely your thing,” I say and he opens his eyes wide like he’s in shock. He shakes his head and smiles crookedly. I think he’s amused by me again. “What, I’m right aren’t I?” I ask with a giant shit-eating grin because I know I am.

  “You’re good. What else can you read about me then, seeing as you know my tastes in alcohol?”

  I turn my entire body toward him, sit up straight and look at him intently. “Okay, here goes. You’re in your early thirties. Never been married but had a couple of serious relationships, but your job has always come first, so they got pushed to one side. You’re not a one night kind of guy and if you sleep with a woman it’s because you actually like her, not just for a quick fuck. You live alone, but you have a big family, maybe some younger brothers. No sisters though. Your parents are still married and have lived in the same house all their married life. You love fast cars, maybe even motorbikes and you like to think of yourself as a bad boy who does good things. You like me, you think I’m pretty and you want to get to know me better, but you think I’m guarded and that intrigues you. You really want to take me home and fuck me, but you’re a slow mover and you’ll probably end up leaving, but you will give me your number before you leave, and hope to hell that I call… Oh, and you love animals,” I say as I watch his body language. I can read men. Working with them for the last five years has made me attuned to what they like and dislike, and I’m nearly always right.

  He nods and is trying to hide his smirk, but I can see in the corner of his lips that he’s fighting back a smile.

  “Well, that’s all fascinating, but you got one thing wrong,” he says making me raise an eyebrow. “I have a younger sister, but she’s much younger. She was kind of an accident. She’s ten, and the cutest thing you will ever see.” I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. Caiden would’ve been ten this year. I frown a little. “But you were right, I do have a big family. Two younger brothers and of course Brigitte my little sis. Mum and Dad are still together in the same house, and I’m thirty-two. You’re quite amazing. That’s quite a gift you have there, the way you got it all right. How did you know all that?” he asks raising an eyebrow.

  “The beer was easy, I could tell you like to keep fit so a light beer would be your choice of drink. You seem like an alpha therefore you’d be the oldest of your siblings. The fast cars and bikes, well I got that from the leather jacket. Not being married, well that’s easy, no ring and no tan line from wearing one, and you seem sweet even though you’re a smart-arse. So the one night stand thing just doesn’t seem right for you. And as for you thinking I’m hot shit, well I can tell from the way your freaky eyes are running up and down my body while you’re talking to me. You want me, you know you do,” I tease and he smirks and starts to turn a light shade of red. I smile widely because seeing Rock embarrassed is as cute as fuck!

  “Well, seeing as you have me all figured out, maybe I should try to read you?” he asks and I pick up my Cosmo and nod my head.

  “Okay well, you’re in your late twenties. You work a stressful job that keeps you away from a social life. You’re favourite colour is violet. You’re single but not looking for anything serious, and you like hot guys with motorbikes and leather jackets. When I leave I will give you my number, but you won’t call even though everything in you wants to call me, you won’t. But that’s okay because I do find you intriguing and I’ll come back to the bar to see you again. Whether you’ll be here or not, I can’t
tell, but I like you, you’re fascinating and mysterious,” he says and smirks. “How’d I do?”

  “Not bad, but I’m not in my late twenties. I’m thirty. My favourite colour is red. And I guess I’m a sucker for a leather jacket and a motorbike,” I say and he smirks.

  “And was I right about you not calling me?” he asks watching me intently.

  I smirk and nod. “Yeah, probably,” I reply honestly and he chuckles.

  “Right, well, in that case, here’s my number anyway. I’m obviously wasting precious paper, but you never know you might dream about my freaky eyes and find yourself dialing my number,” he says and hands me a piece of paper. I take it from him and look at it. It’s just a number. I smile and place it in my bag as he picks up his beer and takes a swig.

  “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” I pick up my Cosmo and take a sip. We sit in an awkward silence for a moment and I sense he’s watching me from the corner of his eyes. That makes me want to smile. He’s the first man I’ve had any kind of reaction to since Danny and that thought not only excites me, but terrifies me at the same time.

  “TVW?” he says turning and looking at me.

  I look at him and raise an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

  “You have a name like The Violet Widow and violet isn’t even your favourite colour?” he smirks making me chuckle.

  “Yeah, I really didn’t think my name through very well, did I?”

  “I guess The Red Widow doesn’t have the same ring to it,” he says and takes another swig of his beer.

  “True.”

  “And I guess The Black Widow has been done to death. So yeah, I guess you chose the right version,” he says smirking again.

  “Well, I’m glad you approve.”

  He laughs and clinks his beer with the side of my cocktail glass. “When it comes to you TVW, I approve wholeheartedly.” He’s looking up at me through his lashes with a smirk that instantly makes me want to drop my panties and fuck him on the bar.

  Jesus, get a hold of yourself girl!

  I smile up at him, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed at the way my thoughts are turning toward this, one blue and one green-eyed stranger. His brown hair makes me want to run my fingers through and tug at it while his tongue collides with mine. I want him, my body is crying out for him, but my heart won’t let that happen. I haven’t been what I would call intimate with a man, since Danny. Sure I’ve fucked men senseless, but I’ve never felt close to a man since my husband. I’ve never been the slightest bit interested and Rock is making me feel like I might want to share that intimacy with someone again. I swallow hard and try to calm my rapid breathing. The thoughts I’m having about Rock are bad. I can’t go there with a man… any man. I can’t betray Danny like that.

  I won’t.

  Danny is the only man I could and would ever be intimate with. My body tenses and I think Rock notices. He rests his hand on my arm with a questioning stare, causing a surge of electricity to flow through me. My breathing hitches as my clit starts to throb just at his touch.

  I can’t do this.

  I can’t be near Rock right now.

  “Thanks for the chat, but I have to be at my business early tomorrow, so I better be going.” I stand abruptly, making his hand fall from my arm and to his side. He watches me intensely trying to gauge my sudden change in demeanor. “It was nice meeting you, Rocky,” I say with a smirk.

  He tilts his head and grins. “I’ll let that one slide. Want me to walk you to your car?”

  I tense up again and he notices and takes a step back.

  “I’m getting a taxi. I’m sure there will be one in the rank outside. No need to walk me out. This was nice, thanks. Have a good life, Rock, with the freaky eyes,” I say and he laughs.

  “Okay, have a good life, TVW. Who’s favourite colour is red, not violet,” he replies and holds his hand out for me to shake. I smile and take his hand in mine and we shake. I go to pull my hand away and he grips it tighter and brings my hand up to his lips to kiss. His lips on the back of my hand are soft and warm and it sends a shiver up my spine. I swallow hard and clench my thighs together. This guy really affects me and I don’t like it one bit!

  Okay, maybe I like it a little bit.

  This is fucked!

  “Okay, well, you have my number and I’ll be here same time tomorrow if you feel like having another Cosmo. Maybe we can talk not so cryptically next time?”

  I chuckle. “I don’t think there will be a next time, Rock, but thanks for the company. You made my horrible day a little brighter,” I say and take my hand from his, pick up my handbag and down the last of my drink.

  “Well TVW, you made my whole year a little brighter.”

  I smile and walk toward the bar door and continue outside. The cool morning air hits my face making me close my eyes and relish its temperature. I was getting quite hot inside, so to have a cool breeze wafting across my skin is making me feel a little more normal. I make my way to the first taxi on the rank and he opens the back door for me. I look back toward the bar and see Rock watching me through the window. He smiles and puts his hand up in a goodbye gesture and I smile and nod back at him. I take a deep breath and look at Rock for one last time then I turn and get into the taxi and shut the door on the weirdness that was the last half hour of my life.

  The taxi driver pulls up at my house, I pay him and then walk toward my front door. My porch light is on, as it always is, when I get home from work. I always arrive home in the early mornings because I start my day in the middle of the afternoon and work through till late at night. It’s just how it is. It’s not like I have a family to look after, or friends or even a social life, so the hours suit me just fine. Plus, it’s nice to be able to sleep in, in the mornings.

  I unlock my door and walk into my home, my sanctuary away from all the stressors and everything to do with the outside world. My home is my place where I can relax and just be me again. I don’t have to pretend with anyone here. I can be who I am and I can spend time with my family the only way I know how to.

  I put my bag and keys on the buffet and shut and lock the door behind me. I move into the kitchen and put on the kettle. For some reason after a night of drinking, a nice cup of tea always makes the hangover the next day semi-bearable. And with my principal employee leaving my business, I need a clear head tomorrow to be able to figure out which one of my employees I’m going to promote.

  I walk to the fridge and grab the milk, stopping to look at the photograph on the door. It’s of Danny, Caiden and me at the park days before they were unjustly taken from me. It’s the last photograph I have of us as a family, the last visual memory I have of them before the horrid memory of identifying their bodies comes flashing back into my brain. I exhale loudly, shaking my head releasing the anger I feel. The drunk driver got away with his life. He is behind bars, but that doesn’t make the pain of losing my boys go away. No, I would prefer for him to be dead like they are, for his corpse to be rotting in the ground instead of theirs. My blood starts to boil as I open the fridge and get the milk for my tea. I slam the door shut so violently that the entire fridge shakes and a glass magnet crashes to the floor and breaks into tiny shards just like my heart all those years ago. I huff and walk past the mess leaving it on the floor. I can’t be fucked cleaning it up and to be honest I couldn’t care less.

  The kettle boils and I pour it into a mug and dunk the two tea bags making it nice and strong. I’m already feeling the effects of the alcohol so the stronger the tea, the better. I normally drink coffee, but tea is always my go-to hangover cure. Don’t ask me how it works, I’m not a fucking scientist, it just does. I pour the milk in and throw the used teabags into the sink. I’ll clean that up tomorrow too, when I can be bothered getting up. I take my tea and step over the broken glass and head toward my bedroom.

  I still have every personal item of Danny’s and Caiden’s. The rooms have stayed exactly the same. Some may call it morbid, I call it home. It’s what I know and it�
�s how I like it. I walk into my room and look up at the wedding photograph of Danny and me. I pick it up off the dresser as I walk past and make my way over to my bed. The room is dark, but the curtains covering the window are open so the gentle moonlight is shining in through the glass, bathing everything in a slight shade of blue light. I put my tea on the bedside table and the photograph face up on the bed while I undress and then slide into the soft sheets. The sheets on the bed at the moment were Danny’s favourites. He always loved the feeling of silk sheets and I always make sure to have them on the bed for his anniversary. It’s my way of never forgetting how much I love him. I take the photograph and bring it up in line with my face. I bite my bottom lip as I do. I feel like I want to cry, but I know I won’t. I never do. But tonight for some reason I want to feel closer to Danny. Maybe it’s because Rock made me feel something, or maybe it’s just because it’s the anniversary, but either way I want to be near my husband tonight. I want to feel him here with me. I miss him so fucking much, every second of every day, but missing someone won’t bring them back, will it? It really is a useless emotion. Even though I know it is, I can’t help but feel it. I look at his exquisite face in the photograph, his beautiful blue eyes and his blond hair, dressed in his suit. He was so handsome back then and still was up until the day he was taken from me. I run my finger along his face, I know it’s not the same as actually touching his skin, but it’s all I have, so I caress his face and lean in to kiss the glass encasing his photograph.

  “I love you, baby,” I whisper and close my eyes holding his photograph tightly to my chest.

  I think back to our wedding night and the way he made love to me slowly and passionately. The touch of his soft skin on mine, his lips – warm against my skin. I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat while the imagery of his chiselled stomach comes into focus. I inadvertently open my legs slightly as my clit starts to throb with the thought of Danny’s naked body against mine. My breathing hitches while my hand loosens its grip on the edge of the frame and makes its way to my hard nipple. I tweak it and then massage my breast slowly. In my mind, it’s Danny touching me. His manly hand caressing my skin. His warmth massaging into my breast. I can feel him. I can smell him. He is all around me and I love every second of it. I close my eyes tighter as the image of him dropping his jeans and freeing his hard cock makes me breathe harder. I need to feel him. My hand makes its way from my breast down my stomach. It glides effortlessly down my tanned skin toward my already soaking wet pussy. My back arches as I move my finger in line with my clit and press down hard. My body jolts from the contact and a small smile crosses my face.