Defining Darkness (Royal Bastards MC Tampa Chapter Book 1) Read online

  “Thanks for coming out here, Trix, to find me. I was ready to fall apart before you came out here.”

  She pulls me to her for a long hug. “Nycto and Ivy were too busy arguing over who should follow you that I just stormed out saying neither of them should. It would only make the situation worse. They both adore you, Eva. They only want what’s right for you, even if they both show it in a roundabout way.”

  I pull back from her embrace. I understand where she’s coming from. I don’t have to like it, but I understand. “Okay… let’s go back in and face the music.”

  Trixie stands, holding out her small hand to me. I take it, and she hoists me from the ground. She wraps her arm around my shoulder supportively as we start the trek around the bunker to head back inside. My stomach rolls with nerves as we head down the concrete ramp toward the door.

  Taking in a deep breath, I steady my shoulders walking through the clubhouse doors. Everyone’s going about their usual shit. I’m not sure why, but I was expecting them to all be waiting for me.

  I’m not that important.

  I need to get a handle on myself.

  A few eyes glance up as we walk in, they give Trixie a head bob. Obviously, she’s done her job well. My eyes focus on Ivy, Nycto, and Void, who are all sitting at the bar drowning their sorrows in liquor. I’m the reason they’re drinking. While I feel bad, they’re the reason I am so damn angry.

  We all have a part to play in this.

  “Prez,” Trixie calls out, making Nycto swivel on his stool along with Ivy and Void.

  They face me, I cross my arms over my chest defiantly. I might be coming in here to clear things up, but I’m not coming in with my tail between my legs and rolling over.

  Nycto throws what’s left of his drink down the hatch, then stands and walks toward me. “You’ve been crying?” He steps right up in front of me, his leather and sandalwood scent hits right in my senses, and it causes me to waver slightly.

  “What did you expect? For me to accept you all played me like a damn idiot?”

  Nycto’s eyes fall as he reaches out for my hand. I let him take it. That fucking spark I always have when he touches me ignites, slamming straight into my chest.

  He curls up his lip like he’s inwardly berating himself before he speaks. “You have no idea what it was like hiding Ivy from you, Eva. Knowing I should tell you she was here. To stop the charade and unite you both.”

  “And why the hell didn’t you, Nycto. You have to understand why I don’t get it? You knew the pain I was in.”

  His eyes meet mine, a pleading behind their gaze. “I’m fucking shit at how to do this, Eva. I’ve never, ever, had a woman take my interest. So, when you came along, all I wanted was to make you happy. I knew Ivy was the key, and as soon as you guys were reunited, I wouldn’t even be a blip on your radar.”

  “You don’t know that! How could you possibly know what I would have done? You didn’t even give me a chance. I would have been so grateful to you for taking her as well as me…” I pause and close my eyes, taking a deep breath, then open them again. “Don’t you see, Nycto? Yes, I would have wanted to spend my time with Ivy, but I would have been thankful to you also. We would have owed you so much. Now, I don’t know what to think.”

  “I’m still the same guy, Eva. I took your sister to keep you together. You have to understand what I did. Keeping you from her, I did it for us.”

  I roll my shoulders. “Nycto, I’m stuck in this clubhouse with you for probably the rest of my life. Unsure if I’ll ever be able to leave again. So, for now, it’s best if we just agree you did the wrong thing. You didn’t believe in me… now, I can’t believe in you.”

  Nycto tightens his grip on my hand. “Eva—”

  “I’ll get my things from your room and move into another.” I let go of his hand, then turn walking off toward his bedroom. The eyes of Ivy and Void watch me as I head for the hall.

  My heart’s heavy. I’ve been in Nycto’s room since I arrived. I don’t even know what it will be like not sleeping with him, not to mention I still have to deal with Ivy.

  I have so much I need to do, but right now, I need to put one foot in front of the other. I have a long time to be in isolation here, so I have to take this at my own pace.

  Walking into Nycto’s room, the red light causes a hesitant smile to cross my lips.

  I’ll miss the amazing sex.

  I’ll miss waking up in his arms.

  I’ll miss being in his presence.

  But I need my space.

  And right now, this is the only way I can do that.

  I walk in, then stop. I don’t have a hell of a lot of things. A few sets of clothes in his closet Pepper bought for me. I have no identity. I’m just a package, a package meant to be sold. That’s all I am in this clubhouse, but instead, I was redistributed.

  Maybe I would have been better off going wherever I was meant to.

  I can’t think like that.

  Just because I’m upset with Nycto doesn’t mean he didn’t save me. He did. He just did it all wrong. Now I need to try and find my place in this club.

  As I pull some of my dresses from the closet, the bedroom door flies open. My eyes snap up as Nycto storms inside in a gruff. He shuts it softly behind him, not matching the anger in his features.

  Turning, I face him. “Look, I get you don’t want me to go—”

  “No, I don’t. I fucked-up. I own that, but Eva, you’re being stubborn as hell. I put my life, my club… hell, every-fucking-thing on the line for you. Did I do this the wrong way? Sure, but you know who I am. Don’t try to disguise your hurt by saying you don’t know me or believe in me. That’s bullshit, and you know it. You’re just scared because there’s something here, and you don’t want to seem like less of a person for accepting you still care even with all my faults.”

  I throw my hands in the air. “You think I care about looking like less of a person? All those people out there see I’ve been played the fool this entire time. There’s nothing I can do about that. You think I’m angry because of how I look to everyone, Nycto? No. I’m angry because you lied to me time and time again, even when you knew I was struggling so badly. Do I want to be with you after that? Yes, of course, I do, but I can’t see how.”

  His stern stance softens as he exhales. “I hurt you. I knew this was going to hurt you. I got in too deep. Chiquita, I just wanted you to stay. I didn’t want you to run and be caught up in that sex ring all over again. All of this was so you wouldn’t leave… me.”

  Sinking in on myself at his brutal honesty, I step forward. “How do we get past this, Nycto?”

  He takes my hands in his, pulling me to him. I want to pull away, but instead, I fall into his arms needing his touch. “Let me help you.”

  The pure compassion seeping from him right now is soothing me. “How?”

  Nycto runs his hand along the side of my cheek. I didn’t fathom how much I needed him to touch me until right now. “I shouldn’t do this. It goes against every fucking thing in my body, in my head, but I know you need it.”

  I look at him in curiosity. “I don’t know what you’re saying?”

  He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m going to take you for a ride on my bike. It won’t be long or far. Just enough for you to get some fresh air. Clear your mind a little.”

  Excitement bubbles up inside of me as I bounce up on my toes.

  I’m leaving the clubhouse.

  “Shit! Are you being serious?”

  “I’m being fucking stupid, but yes.”

  The urge to kiss him is strong, but the memory of him betraying me is still raging full force in my mind. So instead, I lean in for an embrace. “Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  His grip on me tightens like he knows exactly what it means. He nuzzles his nose into my hair as we hold each other. “I only ever wanted to make you happy, Chiquita. I hope doing this will help a little.”

  Nycto pulls back, his eyes meet
mine, tension tightening in my stomach. Butterflies dance a tango in my stomach as my eyes take in all the beautiful features of his incandescent orbs. He really is gorgeous. I could fast be swept up in his wake again, but I need to remind myself of the hurt he’s caused me.

  He deceived me.

  Lied to me.

  That’s not okay.

  Slowly, I pull back taking in a deep breath. “Where are you going to take me?”

  Regret forms in his eyes, but he lets me go anyway.

  I head over to the bed to pull on some more appropriate footwear. I’m already wearing leggings, so I just need to put on a jacket.

  Nycto follows my every move. “Somewhere nice, but we need to go before I change my mind.”

  Smiling, I yank on my boots and stand walking to the closet to pull out a leather jacket Pepper bought for me. I haven’t worn it yet, but I have been dreaming of the day I got to wear it on the back of Nycto’s bike. Seems like today is that day.

  “You been on the back of a bike before?” he asks.

  I shake my head to which he smiles.

  “Good. I’m gonna show you how great it can be.” Nycto holds out his hand for me to take. I hesitate, but then thread my fingers with his. What will it hurt to hold his hand? He leads us back out into the main clubroom, and Void eyes us suspiciously.

  “Where’re you going?” he asks.

  “Taking Eva for a ride, shouldn’t be long. If we’re gone more than three hours, send out a search party.”

  My eyes widen as Void’s jaw clenches. “Prez, I don’t think—”

  “Not up for discussion, VP,” Nycto cuts him off as he pulls me through the room.

  My eyes meet with Ivy’s. She smiles, giving me the thumbs up. It fills me with warmth that she isn’t annoyed I’m heading out without her. So, I turn, walking with Nycto, finally excited that I’m getting to ride on his bike.

  I’ve dreamed of this.

  I’ve wanted this.

  Maybe, just maybe, it will calm the raging storm in my soul.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  NYCTO

  My nerves are shot.

  Not only from Eva finding out everything, but also taking her off clubhouse property is a huge risk. If Andrés or one of his men sees her, there will be hell to pay.

  But Eva needs this.

  We need this.

  If I’m going to have any hope of getting Eva back on my side, I have to give a little. I need to show her I’m not a heartless bastard, and I have compassion for her. This is the only way I can think of to do that. If I give her a full-face helmet to cover her face, this ride shouldn’t be a problem.

  Give her a sense of freedom without anyone knowing it’s her.

  We should be fine.

  Walking hand in hand with her to my bike, an ease washes over us. Unlike the tension clouding us moments before, she’s relaxing, and it’s easing my nerves a little. We reach my ride, and I grab the spare helmet from the rack on the fence and walk it over to her. “You need to wear this, Chiquita. It covers your face, keeps the wind from whipping in your eyes, but above all, it will keep you hidden.”

  She nods as I pull it down over her head, encasing her in. I can’t help but smile at the big black helmet smothering her. I slide up the visor to make sure she’s okay in there. “You good?”

  “This is comfy,” she replies, but her tone is muffled. I tap her on the top of her helmet, then I slide onto my ride. “You have to keep a firm grip around me. When the bike moves, you move with it. Nothing jerky or overstated, okay?”

  She winks at me in understanding. I gesture for her to move in behind me. My stomach tenses when she shifts into place. The feeling foreign for me, but as soon as her front slides against my back, it’s like she’s meant to have been there all along. I clench my eyes a little to try and bring my cock under control. He has a mind of his own right now. The idea of Eva always being behind me on a ride is something I wish I could have. This, right here, is the best fucking feeling in the damn world.

  “Where’s your helmet?” she muffles while sliding her visor down.

  “Don’t need one, babe.” I kick over the engine, and it roars to life.

  Her fingers clench onto me tighter, squeezing me as the vibration rattles through us. She’s quiet, not making a peep, but I can tell she’s affected by the way her thighs are squeezing around me. Smirking, I duck walk backward out of my space, then slowly head toward the gate.

  Ominous peers down at me from his post. “You good to go, Prez?”

  “Should be a few. If anything happens while I’m gone, get me on the line.” I call out to him over the roar of my engine.

  Ominous casually salutes me, opening the gate. I rev my engine twice, alerting Eva I’m getting ready. Excitement builds inside of me. I’ve wanted to take her on a ride for as long as I can remember.

  Now is my chance.

  She squeezes me tighter, so I hammer down leaving nothing behind. My bike roars to life, soaring out of the gates and the safe confines of the clubhouse lockdown. Eva squeals in my ear, but it’s not out of fear, it’s from the adrenaline flowing through her. Hearing her only fires me up further as I exit the service lane, turning onto the main road, and I don’t hold back. I want her to know what this feeling is like—the purr of the engine, the love of the open road.

  It will be sunset soon. I want to make good time to get to where I want to go before the sun starts to fall.

  My baby vibrates through me, sending my nerves into a peaceful calm. Having Eva wrapped around me, we make our way to the west-central coast of Florida. Eva’s an enigma. Even though emotionally we’re not in the best place, physically right now, there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.

  The wind whips at my face, my sunglasses protecting my eyes as I fly down the streets heading for the Clearwater Memorial Causeway. I have no idea if Eva’s figured out where we’re going—probably not as she doesn’t know much about this part of town, but who knows because she’s smart—but we’re almost there. As we head closer toward Causeway Boulevard, I slow the bike a fraction for the upcoming roundabout. As much as I’m loving taking Eva on this breakneck speed ride, taking a roundabout at this velocity probably isn’t the best idea. So, I drop my gears, trying to obey the speed limit for the first time since we took off.

  Taking a left around the roundabout, I turn down Coronado Drive, then pull into the Pier 60 parking lot. I drive into one of the bays facing the beach under the tall palm trees. The white sand is pristine against the crystal blue water as it crashes against the shore in a rocking motion. I cut off my engine finding myself at ease for just being here. Squeezing Eva’s leg, I turn back to her, but when I do, she’s already taking her helmet off, her hair waving about in the slight ocean breeze.

  I tense all over. “Fuck, Chiquita, you’re supposed to keep your helmet on for fuck’s sake.”

  She scoffs, sliding off from behind me to stand and admire the beach like she doesn’t give two shits about what I’m saying. Her eyes take in the picturesque scenery. The sun is starting to set over the slowly moving waves.

  With an exhale, she asks, “Why did you bring me here, Nycto?” There’s calm in her tone, an ease I haven’t seen in Eva since she and Ivy were reunited.

  She finally seems happy.

  I can’t take this from her.

  Not now.

  “I come here sometimes to clear my head. When shit gets fucking hard, when I need to refocus, this is where I come to let everything click back into place.”

  “What’s it called?”

  “Clearwater Beach.”

  She closes her eyes, lifting her face to meet the setting sun’s rays. “I get why you like it here. I do, too.”

  Reaching out, I take her helmet from her hand and place it on the bike. It’s a bad move. I feel it in my bones, but I need to let her have this moment, a moment of freedom. I don’t know when she’ll get another one. So, I move in behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, h
olding her to me. I’m unsure if she’ll fight me on it, but when she cuddles into me, her head falling back on my shoulder, I take every ounce of this I can get.

  My lips gently kiss under her ear. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  Eva’s eyes are still closed, basking in the setting sun. “I understand. Problem is, you did, but I don’t want to hate you for the sake of it. Not when my body doesn’t hate you… At. All.”

  Exhaling, I hold her tighter. “I can’t promise there will be many moments like this, Chiquita. I can’t promise you excursions to fancy places, or to give you the world. Not until I find a way to fix the fact you’re meant to be dead.”

  Her eyes open watching the sunset slowly fade in the distance. “I’m not sure how you will fix it, Nycto, but you will find a way. It may not be today or tomorrow. Hell, it might take a year… but I can wait. Being here, now, seeing this will tide me over. It’s worth it just to be here with you.”

  “We’ll stay to watch the sun go down, but then we need to get back. We can’t be out in the open like this for too long, Chiquita. It’s dangerous.”

  “Thank you. Thank you for bringing me. I reacted when I found out—”

  “You had every right to—”

  “You’re damn right I did. What I was saying was I reacted. I’m not sorry about how I reacted, Nycto, but I am sorry I did it in front of everyone. I never want to put your presidency in jeopardy or make your brothers think less of you because of me.”

  Hearing her words means more than she could ever understand. “Being president means a lot to me. It shows those asshole kids I’m worth something, that I’m more than they thought of me growing up, but I’m making bad choices when it comes to you. You blind me, Eva.”

  She exhales, turning in my grip to face me. Her arms loop around my neck as she stares in my eyes. “I make bad choices when it comes to you, too. Maybe we blind each other. Maybe we’re not good for each other?” she asks, her eyes drooping.

  I bring my hand up to caress her cheek. “Maybe we’re not, but I never was one to follow the rules. Eva. I’d break every damn rule if it meant being with you.”