Allegiance (The Chicago Defiance MC Series Book 8) Read online

  “Don’t do that. Don’t you dare!”

  Vibe looks into my eyes, his are drooping and glassy. The sight just about breaks me. “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t lay this on your shoulders, Vibe.” I sniffle. “He did what he did because he set out to do it that night. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I get that no—”

  “But if I were—”

  “You haven’t brought me home from work for years. I wanted it that way. You know I like to be independent. Why would you suddenly do it that night? Why out of all of the nights, if you had decided to come get me, would it have changed anything? He could have come back another night. Hell, he could have chosen another girl if it weren’t me. There are so many possibilities, and we can’t keep blaming ourselves. He did this! Not us. It’s his fault. Not mine. Not yours. No one’s but his.”

  Vibe brings his hand up to my face caressing it tenderly. “You’re so fucking strong, you know that?”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t feel strong an hour ago.”

  “Well, you are. You’re a fighter. My very own Ronda Rousey.”

  I can’t contain my laugh. “You’re comparing me to a women’s UFC champ? I think I am way from being that tough.”

  “Maybe not physically, but mentally for sure. You can beat this. You can fight the demons in your head, Hayley. Give them the old one, two.”

  I let out a small giggle. “The old one, two? Wow! Now you sound like a dork.”

  He caresses my cheek tenderly letting out a long exhale. “It’s good to hear you laugh. Your dimple is back.”

  I chew on my bottom lip, my heart’s hammering in my chest. Having anyone’s hands on me feels wrong in all kinds of ways after what happened, but I need to push through it if I’m going to let it go and put it behind me. I need to let Vibe know that I don’t blame him, and I don’t want to punish him for the way my mind is behaving.

  So, I shift up on my toes and press my lips to his softly.

  That all-too-familiar spark flows through me, but the same time my stomach tightens in a huge knot making me feel instantly uncomfortable. I want to kiss him. I need to kiss him. But I am pushing this way too fast, so I pull back, panting a little, my heart racing so fast as I try to slow my frantic breaths.

  Vibe runs his hands up my arms for comfort. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. We take this at your pace, Hayley. I’m okay with waiting as long as it takes.”

  My bottom lip trembles, and I nod.

  I was okay.

  I thought I was going to make it through this, but kissing him has shown me that I have a hell of a long way to go. If kissing the man I love makes my skin crawl, then I have problems. Big problems.

  I look up into his eyes, mine watering with the realization that hits me. “Vibe, will you take me to a counselor?”

  “Yeah, babe, of course. I think that’s a great idea.”

  LIFT

  One Week Later

  It’s been a long week. But knowing Lily’s just a text message away has made it slightly more bearable. My eyes shift to Hayley and Vibe sitting by themselves in the corner of the clubhouse.

  They’re both struggling.

  Hayley’s been distant and different since her attack a week ago. But I expected it, especially when the news her attacker, Raphael, has retained some hotshot defense attorney for his case. Like there’s even one to damn well defend. Fucker’s as guilty as they come. If we had our way, we know exactly what punishment we would dish out, but because it’s all official, we can’t take out our justice-best-served-cold method.

  Hayley’s having appointments with a counselor, so I’m hoping they help her along with whatever process she needs. Maybe they will help Vibe too. I hate seeing my friends so torn up, and there’s nothing I can do to help them.

  I’ve been messaging Lily back and forth all week, but we’ve both been busy. I have been working on a new shipment for the club, a roid transaction with Harry Linn. That man used to be all about the guns. It seems now he’s seen how lucrative the steroid business can be, he wants in on it too, and seeing as how I’m the gym guy, I’m the one dealing with it all.

  But I can’t stop thinking about the gorgeous woman I kissed out on the busy Chicago street that day. She’s way out of my league, and totally too good for me. She’ll never fit in here. Lily’s way too much of a goody-two-shoes. So, I know eventually, I’ll have to cut ties with her, but for now, our messaging is what keeps me happy and somewhat sane.

  Suddenly, my cell beeps as if it were reading my mind.

  Lily: I have a break from work tonight, for the first time in forever. So, I was thinking, if you’re free, would you like to catch up for a drink?

  My chest squeezes as I check around the clubroom, taking in my brothers surrounded by their women, their kids, people they love. Everyone has their lives moving on around them, and I’m stuck in this limbo state.

  I need this.

  Even if I’m playing a game I know I won’t win.

  Lily doesn’t know me.

  The real me.

  If she did, she’d run a mile.

  But for now, while I have her in my grasp, I’m going to take everything I can because this tiny piece of happiness she’s giving me is something good.

  Me: Are we talking coffee, or something a little more flammable?

  I smirk, knowing she’s probably laughing as a return message comes in quickly.

  Lily: Well, I don’t know what kind of alcohol you drink, but I’m hoping we can set the night on fire. ;)

  My eyes shoot open wide. Holy fuck, did she really write that?

  Lily: I’m laughing so hard right now. I wish I could see your face. Calm down, cowboy. I know our kiss was hot, but I’m not shacking up with you just yet. I know we’re getting married and all, but you must, at least, give me a ring first.

  I can’t help but let out a small chuckle. This chick is something else.

  Me: I’ll see what I can whip up. I’m sure I can find something at the gym to fit on your finger to seal the deal.

  I chuckle to myself while I watch the three bouncing dots, then suddenly a GIF appears with Marilyn Monroe in a pink dress on stage singing ‘Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend.’

  I burst out laughing as I start typing back.

  Me: Geez, you’re a demanding little thing… so drinks tonight, where shall I meet you? Or would you rather I pick you up?

  The pause is long, a little too long. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve freaked her the hell out. I start to type some witty retort brushing it off when I see the three dots jumping up and down making me relax.

  Lily: Sorry, got held up for a second. I can meet you at a bar on Wabash Ave, if you like? McCauley’s Pub. Do you know it?

  Know it? Yeah. It’s a place for fancy-as-shit people to go—business professionals, upper-class yuppies, socialites, blue bloods, you name it. It’s more of a gentlemen’s club, not a place for a biker like me. But I guess she doesn’t know who I am, not really. If I see Lily later, it’s not like I can go in my cut anyway. Not unless I want to come clean to her.

  Which I don’t.

  Not yet.

  Me: Sure thing. Got a time in mind?

  Her reply comes in quickly.

  Lily: I’m leaving work in ten. Can be there in fifteen if you can?

  My eyes widen as I check my watch. It’s almost seven. Girl works late. But if she wants to catch up now, then I’m all for it.

  Me: See you soon.

  Lily doesn’t reply as I pick up my stein, then knock back the last of my beer. I slide the giant mug across the bar to Jazz, and she takes it with a wink. I stand then walk over to Torque, who’s sitting with Foxy and their brood of children. They live off-ground in their own family home, but they tend to always come in for dinner. The kids love to hang out with their cousins and fellow club brats before the pres and the first Old Lady take them home to bed.

  It’s kind of like a comforta
ble chaos, but it works because all the kids get along. Us brothers, we all hate to admit it, but the club brats are as much a part of our family as they are my brothers. There’s a bond with my pres’ kids, my VP’s kids, hell, all my brothers’ kids because that’s precisely what we are—family. Sure, we don’t share blood, but the level of respect and honor amongst us all is so tight, it’s unwavering.

  I love everyone here.

  You’ll never hear me confess it, but it’s true.

  I would do anything for everyone in this club.

  I can’t imagine it any other way than with all these brats running around the place. It’s hard to remember a time before them now if I’m being honest. Life was different before them, we took more risks for sure, but now we’re more settled. It’s good to have a calmer atmosphere, though with the events surrounding Hayley, you wouldn’t think so at the moment. With the club, there’s always going to be some drama, it never fades away completely.

  Torque eyes me as I approach. His almost three-month-old baby boy, Axton, is cradled in his arms as Foxy places a three-year-old, Beau, in his highchair. All the while their five-year-old, Hope, tickles Beau’s tiny feet making him giggle. Torque lifts his chin at me. “Hand me the bottle, will ya?” His eyes shift to the full baby’s bottle on the table beside me.

  I lift the warmed bottle, handing it to him. He gently pushes it into Axton’s mouth, and he suckles on it calmly as Torque relaxes. Finally, his eyes widen like he’s realized I’m here for a reason. “Shit, brother. Something up?”

  I smirk. “You have this dad thing down pat, you know that?”

  He chuckles as Foxy spoon feeds some mashed pumpkin into Beau’s mouth while Hope spins around like a ballerina. “It’s taken three goes, but maybe I’m getting the hang of it. You gotta get yourself an Old Lady, have a couple of brats for yourself.”

  I snort out a laugh. “Little shits? I don’t think so. But I am here to tell you I’m heading out…” I pause for a moment. “To catch up with a chick.”

  Torque’s eyebrow raises as he tries to hide his enjoyment. “Anyone we know?”

  “Nah, brother. I met her back when Starlet and Infinity had their junket. When I was having a coffee of all things.”

  Torque narrows his eyes. “She acceptin’ of the club?”

  I tense not knowing how to broach this subject. “Ahh… haven’t brought it up as of yet.”

  “Better to tell her sooner rather than later, brother. See where she sits. You know if she can’t handle it, she’s not the right fit for you… or us.”

  My shoulders tense. “I know. It’s early… might not be anything. Just testing the waters right now.”

  Torque lets out a long-winded exhale. “I don’t wanna tell you what to do, but I’m gonna anyway. Don’t go into things blindly, Lift. If she isn’t into it, then don’t waste your time. Brother, it’s not worth the heartache.”

  I roll my shoulders. “Not sure the heart is involved in this.” I chuckle. “It’s just a drink, pres.”

  “It’s not just a drink. She means something to you, or you wouldn’t be here telling me about her. She’d be just another piece of ass to notch on your belt.” He narrows his eyes on me. “Think about that.”

  “Torque, can you help me with this?” Foxy calls out as we watch her struggling with Beau. He has mashed pumpkin on his face. Beau’s pulling Foxy’s hair while he smears the mash over her shirt with his other hand.

  “Shit,” Torque murmurs shoving Axton’s bottle in my hand as he rushes off to help his wife.

  I chuckle to myself as I place the half-empty bottle on the table, then turn to walk toward my room to get changed.

  I know I need to tell Lily who I really am, but I can’t just rock up in jeans and leathers. She could turn tail and run. As much as I don’t want to admit it, Lily’s gotten under my skin. There’s something about her which has me drawn in. I don’t want her to freak out when she learns the truth, and maybe that’s why I’m delaying the inevitable. Either way, I need to hurry the fuck up, or I’m going to be late.

  I make quick work for my room, get changed into some black slacks and a light blue button-down. I know I’m going to cop some heavy shit when I walk back out into the clubroom, but I can handle the crap my brothers will hurtle my way. I need Lily to remember me as the man she thinks I am—as Eli, the gym CEO.

  I peer at myself in the mirror, the sleeves of my shirt are rolled up to my elbows showing off my tattoos to give it a more casual vibe, but I still look like a douche. How men can wear this type of shit all day every day is beyond me. I only have three dress shirts, and they were all purchased for special occasions.

  Seeing her might become an issue if I have a rotating wardrobe of three items. Might have to go shopping.

  That’s all beside the point right now anyway. I need to get going if I’m going to make it to McCauley’s on time. So, I stride down the hall to the clubroom which is in full swing. Brothers drinking, kids running around, old ladies and club girls are gasbagging as is the usual for a weeknight around here.

  As I enter the room, it’s like the place falls silent as all eyes focus in on me. My stomach knots as I inwardly groan but keep walking.

  Scratch slaps my back as I step past him. “If you’re going for a job interview this late at night, brother, it must be for a part-time male escort or something, right?”

  Everyone bursts out laughing.

  “Fuck off. I’m going to meet a chick.”

  The laughter dies down as shock creeps up on all their faces. “Dressing up for a woman? What is she, the Queen of Sheba or something?” Trax yells from the other side of the room to which Sparx swiftly slaps him upside the back of the head.

  I continue walking for the door. “She’s none of your damn business is what she is. Don’t wait up,” I call back as I step out of the clubhouse to everyone cheering and catcalling like the fuckers they are. They’re only teasing, but it doesn’t help to settle my nerves.

  Walking over to my ride, I grab my helmet, yanking it on. I might be a little nervous, but I know as soon as I get on my bike, everything will begin to calm. The unease will wash away, and the tension in my shoulders will relax. That’s the power an engine has over me, it’s like a miracle cure.

  The engine rolls over, and I hammer down, pulling out of the gates. With a quick pace, I make my way down the access road, then out onto the highway heading for the city. The wind whips at my face as the vibration of the engine rattles through me, making me feel alive like it always does whenever I’m on my ride. There’s something about being on a bike that settles any kind of nerves. Being one with your ride is like flying, it’s like spreading your wings and soaring at the greatest of heights. You’re free. It’s the most powerful, exhilarating feeling in the world. For the short time you’re riding, nothing and no one in the universe can hurt you.

  My tires ride over a puddle, water splashes up as I pull into the parking lot of McCauley’s. I park near the front window of the pub, so I can make sure to see my ride from inside. Don’t want anyone doing anything to her while I’m distracted.

  Sliding off, I place my helmet on the bars and make my way in. General noise filters around as I walk through the double glass doors.

  Instantly, I feel out of place.

  This shit’s fancy as fuck.

  I take in the oblong bar made entirely of white marble. Behind the monstrosity is a wall filled from top to bottom with expensive glass wear and top-shelf liquor bottles. At the back of the shelving is what seems like gold foil or some shit.

  This place is posh. Way too upper-class for a biker like me. I’m totally out of my comfort zone.

  There are booths and high chairs with tall tables. The floor is marble, and the amount of fancy shiny surfaces are over the top even for such a fancy place as this. I’m sure my face is showing my disapproval as I stroll in, my eyes searching for Lily through the sea of suits. It certainly has a relaxed vibe, and the crowd isn’t unruly. It has a casual at
mosphere, a place to get to know someone without the usual pumping music where you can’t be heard.

  I check around a little more when my cell beeps.

  Lily: Do you feel like someone’s watching you?

  I glance around the room further, trying to spot her, but with the place reasonably full, it’s hard to get traction on where she might be. So, I start walking around as my cell beeps again.

  Lily: Getting warmer…

  I stroll toward the back of the pub, my eyes focusing in on the booth sections. She must be in one of them.

  Lily: Warmer…

  My breathing quickens with her little game. I hate not being able to see her but knowing she can see me. I’m a fucking biker, I’m always supposed to know my surroundings. That shit’s ingrained in us. How she’s playing me like a damn fiddle is hurting my brain.

  Lily: Dun, dun, dunnn… colder!

  I stop, turning through the sea of people, searching each booth, but nothing.

  Where the fuck is she?

  Exhaling, I start to type something on my cell when a hand reaches out grabbing my arm, pulling me behind the partitioned wall. My eyes shoot up to see Lily, her gorgeous face glowing like she’s been caught doing something devious.

  “Well, hello, stranger,” she chimes.

  I drop my cell back in my pocket and take her in. Lily’s hair frames her perfect face in loose waves flowing over her tiny shoulders. She’s wearing a tight blouse which ruffles against her breasts, pushing them out and making them appear even more prominent. Her just right curvy hips are hugged by a form-fitted black skirt that clings to her thighs. All I can think about right now is how I wish I could cling to those thighs with my head in between them, of course.